Caddies are a breed of their own. If you shoot 66, they say, "Man, we shot 66!" But go out and shoot 77, and they say "Hell, he shot 77!"

My swing is so bad I look like a caveman killing his lunch.

Pressure is playing for ten dollars when you don't have a dime in your pocket.

Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.

You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.

I'm going to win so much money this year, my caddie will make the top twenty money-winners list.

The older I get, the better I used to be.

You're Mexican until you make money and then you're Spanish.

I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.

If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron.

There are two things you can do with your head down - play golf and pray.

Promises hold no real value, What matters the most is not to loose yourself while fulfilling promises for others.

I do have a sense of displacement as constant instability — the uninterrupted existence of everything that I love and care about is not guaranteed at all. I wait for catastrophes.

The first draft is the child's draft, where you let it all pour out and then let it romp all over the place, knowing that no one is going to see it and that you can shape it later.

Sometimes you're not getting the laughs you want or at the place you want but that doesn't mean it's not funny. It means you haven't explored it enough.

Without frustration you will not discover that you might be able to do something on your own. We grow through conflict.

You can believe in women's rights without believing that every woman is right.

We're not living in a society that science actually dominates the conversation. We're living in a situation where some science is allowed and a lot of it's about policy.

The little details really connect for people in ways I never realized before.I think that's why some of the movies have done well, because people are relating to things that I'm willing to expose.

I'd like to get away from earth awhile / And then come back to it and begin over.

Before now poetry has taken notice Of wars, and what are wars but politics Transformed from chronic to acute and bloody?