By the time of the United States Tricentennial, there will be more government workers than there are workers.

Two-thirds of the Earth's surface is covered with water. The other third is covered with auditors from headquarters.

Simply stated, it is sagacious to eschew obfuscation.

Hardware works best when it matters the least.

Rank does not intimidate hardware. Neither does the lack of rank.

People do not win people fights. Lawyers do.

Motivation will almost always beat mere talent.

The early bird gets the worm. The early worm... gets eaten.

Software is like entropy. It is difficult to grasp, weighs nothing, and obeys the second law of thermodynamics; i.e. it always increases.

One of the most feared expressions in modern times is 'The computer is down.'

Law Number IX: Acronyms and abbreviations should be used to the maximum extent possible to make trivial ideas profound ... Q.E.D.

To him, freedom was greater than love. She hated that. Because she had always thought that love was freedom.

Although she was fragile in appearance, every prohibition lost substance in her presence.

It is not the jumps you made in your life but mostly the jumps you haven’t made are the real source of regrets in your life!

There are a shitload of songs about being in love with someone who doesn't love you back and I talk about weed and my cat and being lazy a lot.

Yes, I don't read books for entertainment.

We can choose to humble ourselves by receiving counsel and chastisement, . . . by forgiving those who have offended us, . . . by rendering selfless service. . . .

The future is uncertain... but this uncertainty is at the very heart of human creativity.

I don't know how to speak to celebrities. Every time I talk to Alan Menken, I say something stupid and I have to apologize.

I manage to live pretty normally.

All over the world, people want to know what kind of people Texans are, and I explain that Texans are America's ideal Americans.