But I always seem to finish a book and then think, oh God, I've got to pay a tax bill, so I'd better write a novel, so I tend not to stop and learn word processing.

Never drink black coffee at lunch; it will keep you awake all afternoon.

The male - I have found - is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things.

I have a theory that the secret of marital happiness is simple: drink in different pubs to your other half.

Youve simply got to go on and on with your family and friends and tell them how much you love them because you never know whether theyll be there tomorrow, do you?

At home I have big vats of cabbage soup that I make to slim down.

For sheer sexiness, a man must be beautiful. Funny. yes. Clever, no.

I love the long grass coming up to meet the willows.

If you feel compelled to give a New Year's Eve party, don't invite people to arrive too early or they'll go off the boil before midnight.

People who can write a book usually do.

I was so flattered that someone wanted me to write a book, I said I would. It was published in 1969.

If readers understand that they do not understand what they are reading then they must possess an understanding which is superior to the meaning which caused that misunderstanding.

In my opinion, the King's Gambit is busted. It loses by force.

The right hon. Gentleman will be known for ever as the only Chancellor in the post-war period who brought this country to the brink of bankruptcy.

Hold my hand. Don't let go.

What do you mean, you "don't believe in homosexuality?" It's not like the Easter Bunny, your belief isn't necessary.

It's not really a preparation when you know the character that you're playing. It's not too difficult. It would be more difficult the first time, I guess.

Once you have the cap and gown all you need do is open your mouth. Whatever nonsense you talk becomes wisdom and all the rubbish good sense.

When you're tanner, you feel hotter and sexier. You should try it

New York seems very very foreign to me, like more foreign than almost anywhere in America, and almost anywhere in the world, I find it like one of the most overwhelming places.

Couldn't a fire outrun a galloping horse?