At my age, you not only have bittersweet memories, you make bittersweet plans.

Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.

Cherish the friend who tells you a harsh truth, wanting ten times more to tell you a loving lie.

You can spend too much time wondering which of identical twins is the more alike.

What greater blessing to give thanks for at a family gathering than the family and the gathering.

Ever wonder what crime you committed that you are confined to a small enclosure above your sinuses, under permanent skull arrest?

If minutes were kept of a family gathering, they would show that "Members not Present" and "Subjects Discussed" were one and the same.

It finally happened. I got the GPS lady so confused, she said, "In one-quarter mile, make a legal stop and ask directions.

For the most part, we carnivores do not eat other carnivores. We prefer to eat our vegetarian friends.

On a windswept hill by a billowing sea, my destiny sits and waits for me.

It is not that love is blind. It is that love sees with a painter's eye, finding the essence that renders all else background.

I'm going to live what I believe

I'm not at all embarrassed to be a revolutionary.

The suicide-bombing community is not absolutely 100 percent religious, but it is pretty nearly 100 percent religious.

In the 1970s vampires were pretty boring. The scariest vampire was Count Chocula. One bite of Count Chocula and you were cursed with Type 2 diabetes.

I have always believed that women are not victims, we are agents of change, we are drivers of projects.

These people hate the United States, not for what we do, but for who we are and what we are.

A faithless fan can make a team lose a game they have won.

In plain Texas talk, it's 'do the right thing'

It's like the more money we come across / the more problems we see.

I oppose any attempt to grant homosexual unions the same legal privileges that civil government affords to traditional marriage and family life.