An optimist is a fellow who believes what's going to be will be postponed.

Of all the home remedies, a good wife is best.

Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.

Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.

The fellow that owns his own home is always just coming out of a hardware store.

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet.

If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest.

The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either a fool or he is getting ready to skin you.

The hardest thing is to take less when you can get more.

It is pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.

Get close enough to someone and his or her halo slips--not because they're bad, but because they're mortal.

I'm a huge baby and horror films just terrify me, they're very effective with me.

God' is always the equivalent of 'I do not know.

I'm not a perfectionist at all. I find perfectionists boring because the real creative heart is in the mess somewhere.

We need everyone to participate to make our city safe. And we know that the vast majority of immigrants are contributing positively to our economy and to our society here in the city of New York.

Looks, health and elegance are what counts. Someone can look wonderful in a sweatsuit.

What people should do is explain to their friends, to their neighbors how they feel when they confront the word n - - and why they feel the way they feel.

The doorway to success swings outward not inward.

My favorite three words in the English language are: ’I don’t know’, because every time I say them, I learn something new.

I sound my barbaric yawp over the rooftops of the world.