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I grew up in a Catholic family in the Midwest. And I knew people of different faiths and people that were atheists and people that were agnostic.
I'm definitely hesitant wearing shorts during the summer. Like for a pale person, you know, summer - everyone in the world is so excited for summer, but pale people, we're just like, oh no.
There's a certain balance between finding an opportunity to do what you really enjoy and getting caught up in the flattery of people wanting you to do things.
People need to write articles and they need to have angles in them and I'm grateful when people are doing articles, but I always say there's not a great mystery to stand-up comedy.
Really, there are two types of people who go bowling. There are people who really, really love bowling. Then there are the people that are like: wouldnt it be hysterical if we went bowling?
I think being a doctor is really hard, and it's really this thankless, never-ending job. It's not even that you get done with a project. There are always sick people.
A primary flaw in my psychology is that I'll give people a hundred yards' worth of rope with which to hang themselves, but once they reach that hundred-yard line, I strangle them to death with it.
Unlike the vast majority of people, I've been locked in a box like an animal and I've also been on the receiving end of bloody thrashings, so I feel uniquely qualified to judge which is worse.
I think it's every artist's dream to create something that will endure, something that people will listen to until there are no more people on earth to listen to things.
I wish we had a more open discourse. It's just a shame that with our 24-hour news media and the Internet, people have become so fragmented. They only want to support their own worldview.
God forbid Donald Trump gets elected president; think about how many people are going to get f**ked over or how much harder we're going to have to fight for equality.
My films are about the little things that happen between people that are sometimes far more valuable and insightful than the big dramatic things that happen.
People can say anything they want to. If they don't want to get the news from me, get it from somebody else. It's not something I'm going to worry about, I'm sorry.
When I moved into management, it was all about managing people and keeping them motivated - I didn't use sales metrics to drive my business. Now, everything comes from the numbers.
When it comes to stand-up, people feel this need to voice their objection through groaning or being offended. It's really irritating... I mean I love what I do, but that's the irritating side of it.
Certainly accountability of government is what people are clamoring for; they want to know that when lawmakers make a promise or a proposal, you can actually accomplish it.
In all of our lives, we know some boring people, but we don't want to see them on television. In our families, we have some very odd people who have odd neurosis. All of us are really strange people.