Humour Quotes
If there were something that Mother Nature or God could do with money, She or He would have sold immortality to the rich a long time ago.
Poverty does not always prevent a rich person from dating someone who is poor, unless the man is the one who is poor.
I'm a post-menopausal woman who's lived in a man's world for twenty years. A more cynical, cruel creature it's hard to find.
I always pick a gorgeous time to fall over a suitcase or something.
My mum always said you get more fun at a Glasgow stabbing than an Edinburgh wedding.
No. I just like dabbing girls' faces with napkins. It's a fetish of mine. Don't worry - my shrink says it's harmless.
You are a mousetrap of a friend, all soft cheese and hard springs
I don't talk ill about people I don't know, " said Bartleby. "I only disparage them in silence and hope they die.
If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.
Mom Voice - A mother's vocal range when even the neighbours will clean their rooms and eat their veggies.
Spike: Bloody hell, woman, you're cutting off my circulation!Buffy: You don't have any circulation.Spike: Well, it pinches
Sit Down - What to do if a parent wants to get their child's attention.
But how do we know it's working properly?''The green light is on.' said Jack.
If You Get Accidentally Locked, In the loo - Would you #KnockYourSelfOut?
He was the kind of teacher every child hated, and they suspected most of the staff did not like him too.
What do you mean Ronan's a magical entity? Is he a demon? Because this all makes sense if so.
4:15. Not 4 not 4:30 but 4:15. She thought to intimidate me with the use of quarter hours.
What a shabby lot of highbrows have turned out tonight, " he said, when he saw us. "It makes me ashamed to be one.
Seuls les poissons morts suivent le courant' - Only dead fish follow the current
But then he put aside the awkward encounter, which his mind allowed him to do quite easily. He could compartmentalize at an astonishing level. It came from not giving a shit.
What’s gotten into you?” he wondered, blinking in sudden frustration.“Not you, that’s for a certainty.
Failure is something you experience on your way to success - unless you're a skydiver.
No one has the ability to laugh at their misfortunes like the women of the East End.
Not one of the boys like me. I’ve put their noses out of joint.”“Well, they were never good-looking lads.
Mary, we met in a pub. As you weren’t banging a tambourine, I understand you weren’t selling the word of God.
It's hard to sleep when you have thirty two million quids worth of stolen jewellery hidden under the mattress.
If it’s taking to long to get up the career ladder, get a career lift.
You ask me why I write. You might as well ask me why I breathe. I need oxygen to feed my body and ink to feed my soul.
I’m subject to occasional theological nightmares. The one that leaves me in a cold sweat every time is, I arrive at the pearly gates and the first thing I’m asked is where I went to college.
it seems politicians projected the powerful brand called Ambedkar, rather than his ideologies. Like the ad says 'name is enough.
If you were given the chance to be reborn after your death, buy you could only come back as a squirrel, would you complain?
They were Siamese twins, joined at the groin by a traitorous piece of meat.
And she gave him a melting smile, the glutinous sweetness of which he devoured with the avidity of a diabetic who swallows a fatal spoonful of jam.