Humour Quotes
Pete couldn't believe how sanctimonious somebody could be just because they'd once had a soldering iron stuck up their arse.
The room looks as if a giant dog after a large lunch of food, socks, paints, trousers and pencils, walked into that room and vomited everywhere.
In 1969 I published a small book on Humility. It was a pioneering work which has not, to my knowledge, been superceded.
Ulysses was an elaborate prank, and our supposed intellectual elite continue to fall for it.
How I ever could have thought he was boring or easy was beyond me’ (Daisy, 'Friendship on Fire', p. 471).
Monseigneur, I have killed you! You are dead! You are dead!"You display an unseemly joy, " he remarked. "I had no notion you were so bloodthirsty.
I walk. I talk. I shop. I sneeze. I'm gonna be a fireman when the floods roll back. There's trees in the desert since you moved out, and I don't sleep on a bed of bones.
Elsie eyed him puzzledly, and then offered, "Would you like to see my plate?
Wainscott, Deepspace Operations Group, ’ said the man. ‘Wasn’t here, don’t exist, pleased to meet you.
Public schoolboys are not merely conservatives, they are by nature totalitarian reactionaries.
If you truly believe you need to pick a mobile phone that "says something" about your personality, don't bother. You don't have a personality. A mental illness, maybe - but not a personality.
Just looking at him made Andrew feel tense and irritated. It was wonder perfect strangers didn't go up to the guy and punch him in the face.
Bustle about Noddy, or we shant be in time to snabble any of the lobster patties.
Did he know she could barely think, let alone speak, for awareness of proximity of his fingers?Of course he knew. He was a rake. This is what he did.
Honestly—who puts a hamburger next to diet tofu curry unless they’re trying to buy your soul?
I swear to hold my tongue about it till the end of your worship's days, and God grant I may be able to let it out tomorrow
He was under the mistaken impression that I didn't have enough tact.The truth was, I had no tact.
In his autobiography Stravinsky relates that the first music he remembers was made by a peasant, working his hand in his armpit to produce a rhytmic farting.
A sturdy hold, but I think there's something up with the material.
It also makes my father right again. How will I ever soar with the eagles if I'm surrounded by turkeys?
Being single isn't a terminal disease.""Try telling that to my mother.
The grass on the other side of the hill may well be greener, but you should always check that there isn't something with teeth and claws crouching in it.
He looked like a young Crusader on a tomb. That was Phyllis's first impression of Allan Harrington.
I've had quite enough danger for a while I think. I might have some more when I'm thirteen, but definitely not before then...
...food was at least three million per cent more delicious when you ate it immediately after thinking you were going to die.
Yes, ' Spade growled. 'And when you're slapped you'll take it and like it.' He released Cairo's wrist and with a thick open hand struck the side of his face three times savagely.
I'll be with my sister. And believe it or not, she has a phone and everything. She stopped using smoke signals last year." - Nana
I learned long ago that it is considered rude to vomit on your brother
Removing his helmet, Edward knelt by the stream called Swillgate, a name that effectively quenched any desire to drink from its depths.
She opened her mouth, clamped it shut again. This was new, this sudden favor shown Gloucester, had been brought back with him from Burgundy like some malevolent foreign pox.
I left the warehouse at 8.00am. I don't believe in 8.00am. It exists, though. 8.00am is incontrovertible evidence that evil dwells in the world.
I heard you went to Ireland...I haven't seen it in many years. Is it still green then, and beautiful?Wet as a bath sponge and mud to the knees but, aye, it was green enough.
You’re so damn big, ” she whispered.“Why, thank you cariño, ” he said.
The clock in the church tower said 4.32, as it had done for three hundred years. It was right once a day and that was better than no clock at all.
Move your hands, Morgan, ” he commanded.“It hurts!” she protested.“It’s supposed to.
Baldrick: Have you got a plan, my lord?Blackadder: Yes I have, and it's so cunning you can brush your teeth with it!
Well, some men learn by listening, some read, some observe and analyze — and some of us just have to pee on the electric fence.