Humour Quotes

Never make a person feel, that he/she is very (extra) special.. Cause, then that person starts feeling that 'You' are not worth him/her.

What the efficient market hypothesis doesn't account for is that people are not always rational. Just ask any divorce lawyer.

You still are? There go my plans! And the suit I had bought to attend your funeral. Well, well. Anyway, do call me up when you an't.

I am a perfectionist in spirit

All he'd done was lose her underwear and practically get her blown up.Hell. This had to be the absolute worst first date of her life.

Just because I'm insane doesn't mean I have to act all crazy.

You're bloody insane, Karede, " Mat said. "Unfortunately, so am I.

Absurd laughter is a kind of protest against an absurd existence.

Captain Bradbury's right eyebrow had now become so closely entangled with his left that there seemed no hope of ever extricating it without the aid of powerful machinery.

The voice of a donkey braying in the neighbouring meadow seemed like the mocking laughter of demons.

I am the sum of my past experience.Some people have got a lot to answer for.

I love you all - if you are not people!

When you reach the middle of your career ladder, turn it the other way around and slide down to the top

I have to tell you the truth. But you are too ugly for it.

Gods, man, don't you start now, ' I said softly. 'We're going to get a terrible reputation if we just keep travelling across the countryside crying all the time.

If you want to know what's going on, keep your mind in the fridge or it might go off.

Life is like a one rung ladder, some days you can be on the top and bottom of the world at the same time

Would you ask a man who bags groceries if he fears death not because it is death but because there are still some interesting groceries he would like to bag?

Being under pressure is great, if it's all in the right place.

Always recycle wasted time

Zane raised his brow. “Didn’t I say that yesterday?” he asked, forcinghimself to be patient. Somehow.“You say that like you think I listen to you, ” Ty responded instantly, asmile pulling at his lips.

Ambition is the intellectual equivalent of body odour.

A day without someone to hold you or a day without someone to share, is a day easily forgotten.’ - Vera Richardson in Mr Alhourani's Dead Man's Spots

Some people just don’t find their Prince Charming straight away, they have to search for him.

Always stay one step a head, unless you’re already there

Percy looked at his friends. "I'm getting tired of this guy's shirt.""Combat time?" Piper grabbed her horn of plenty."I hate wonder bread, " Jason said.Together, they charged.

A half-blood of the eldest dogs...

The glamour's off. Almost any question you ask can be answered. It's only the questions that you didn't know to ask that remain, dancing the can-can behind your back. The unknown unknowns.

One group of riders doped, the others alongside them racing clean. You can work out for yourselves which group was fastest.

I have great respect for you - once you are dead, and gone

Jihadis! Please go to your imaginary heaven - out there, nowhere. Us, the infidel lot, have helluva lot to do after you leave. Out here.

Did you bring me a rat?""He has no time for rats, George.""No time for rats? That's just sad.

Writing is lonely. Until that moment you write your first character and suddenly you have company.

I made a deal with sharks. I don't swim near them and they don't play cricket.

Everyday has its unique blessings.

When I write, it feels like there are two little creatures that sit on each of my shoulders. One whispers, "You can do this. You've got what it takes." The other sounds like my mother-in-law.

I nurture very good intentions about you. May you die in peace.

Men are pigs, darling. I really have every sympathy for women that they actually have to choose one of these arrogant, stupid morons to settle down with and marry.

They want your sons.”“My–? But I don’t… ew!

Sir Bedevere: "Tell me, what do you do with witches?" Crowd: "Burn, burn them up!" Sir Bedevere: "And what do you burn apart from witches?" Villager: "More witches!

I do not do free e-books. I occasionally like to eat that thing you people call "food".

Here you are. Would you like some pickles?”“Pickles gives me the wind something awful.”“In that case—”“Oh, I wasn’t saying no, ” Mistress Weatherwax said, taking two large pickled cucumbers.

Victor Vigny: A monkey glances up and sees a banana, and that's as far as he looks. A visionary looks up and sees the moon.Conor Broekhart: Which resembles a giant banana.

I have no flaws, I'm perfect at being imperfect.

I shall tell you about God once you've reached your imaginary heaven. Then, give me a call.

People will laugh at anything, except their own moronic self.

I violently dislike you, ' she said, and then she was gone, slamming the door and leaving a sort of shocked silence behind.

It's not revealing, it's informative.

I had walked all over the fragile bloom of his heart like a Boadicea in Blahniks

Frankly speaking, I'm not afraid of death. I don't endeavour to avert its advent. But I don't want to be a witness of it.