Humour Quotes
my sword reappeared in my pocket.yeah, great timing.now i could attack the walls all i wanted.my cell had no bar, no window, not even a door
The government are tightening up on ID for sales of tobacco and alcohol so I recommend that young people take more drugs.
I don't know the rules of grammar. If you're trying to persuade people to do something, or buy something, it seems to me you should use their language.
Amy: Pond and her boys . . . my poncho boys. If we're going to die, let's die looking like a peruvian folk band.
When it comes to emotions, women know how to paint with the full set of oils, while men are busy doodling with crayons.
Someone once told me that we move when it becomes less painful than staying where we are".
We could get kinky and see how bats and rats make love, he suggested in a whisper, warm breath against her neck.You are a sick man, Jacques. Very, very sick.
Where's your sense of adventure?It died under mysterious circumstances. My sense of self-preservation found the body, but assures me it has an airtight alibi.-Captain Tagon & Captain Andreyasn
I want a magical horse that fits in my pocket, " Wil said. "And a ring of red amber that gives me power over demons. And an endless supply of cake.
Greg starts a middle school and asks: Whyis "bullies" such a big PROBLEM? And sayspeople need to shave twice a day.
If you neglected to warn Djetth beforehand that you were going to shoot him down, Your Highness, he may consider you in breach of contr
I put my pants on one leg at a time, just like everyone else. It's the way I take them OFF that makes me better than you.
Don't ask me who's influenced me. A lion is made up of all the lambs he's digested, and I've been reading all my life.
What are we doing here? Has something gone wrong?”“Oh no, Ron, ” came Fred’s voice, very sarcastically. “No, this is exactly where we wanted to end up.
Have I missed a national holiday? There must be celebrations in the streets for you to be home at this hour of the day.""I'm calling it Summerset Goes Mute Day. The city's gone mad with joy.
I'm sorry I'm so pathetic, " he thought, and then realized he had also said it.Beth laughed, so lightly and so kindly that Denis felt it in his chest, not his stomach.Can I tell you a se
Yes. We will live the rest of our lives in hell. It's not so bad: as long as you're prepared for it, you can live anywhere.
Don’t kiss me, ” she said warningly.“I don’t intend to, ” he replied, smiling a little. “I don’t have my whip and chair with me.
To talk well and eloquently is a very great art, but that an equally great one is to know the right moment to stop.
Were you proposing to shoot these people in cold blood, sergeant?""Nossir. Just a warning shot inna head, sir.
There are two kinds of people in the world: those who love chocolate, and communists.
Maxim 3: An ordnance technician at a dead run outranks everybody.-The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries
I really hope he shapes up, you know? He’s got a good head on his shoulders when he’s not trying to give himself alcohol poisoning.
Having been engaged rather a lot of times, Zsa Zsa Gabor was asked whether a lady should give back the ring. Her answer?"Of course dahlink, but first, you take out all the diamonds.
Max looked around. "Where's your mutt?""Right here, asleep. He won't bite you again. I've talked to him about it, and he's really sorry
By the way, only a real man can accept his feminine side.""I don't know who fed you that line of garbage, but I can promise she's laughing at you right now.
Who or what inspires you?""I must admit that I often read my own articles in scientific journals and inspire myself.
Rogue Squadron doesn’t run. Unless we really, really have to.""No, this will be Wraith Squadron’s mission.""We don’t mind running. Even when we don’t have to.
No body told you to call your band Salacious Mold, my friend.
You make a good point, ' Fletcher conceded. 'See, there's a reason why you're the girl and I'm the boy. You think about things while I...''Don't?''Exactly, ' he said happily.
Mr. D, " Grover asked timidly, "if you're not going to eat it, could I have your Diet Coke can?
Martin, at my age, eroticism is reduced to enjoying caramel custard and looking at widows' necks.
I'm living so far beyond my means that we may almost be said to be living apart.
He once told me that an August evening was "as hot as three toads in a Cuisinart, " a comparison that left me blinking two days later.
The matter with human beans, " the BFG went on, "is that they is absolutely refusing to believe in anything unless they is actually seeing it right in front of their own schnozzles.
He can’t ground her if he’s already killed her, ” I pointed out when Juliana quoted this to me. “Well, he can, but it wouldn’t have the same impact.
Swans sing before they die— 't were no bad thing Should certain persons die before they sing.
Personally, I don’t think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?
I was glad to be made awarethat “Veimke” (jeune fille au pair), is subject to natural law, and can be made fat, by such things as poor diet, and alcohol.
The advantage of being married a long time was that one could argue without the necessity of the other's actual, physical presence.