Humour Quotes

Merin smiled. "I fought in battle and your mother bore two children. Of the two of us, I think she was the courageous one.

I ain’t scared to lend a handI ain’t scared to clench it either

If you find yourself cutting corners, go in a circle instead

Stop worrying about life, no one survived it.

It's good to let your mind wonder, as long as you know where it's going

Great songs don't grow on trees, yet lots of songs have been written on great trees

Who's possessing who now, Casper?

[An example of misattribution:]If you don’t know the source of a quote, you can always make it sound better by attributing it to me.— Mark Twain

I've never written a quote I feel would be suitable for my gravestone. Wouldn't it be ironic if it were this one? Oh, and could you pull a few weeds while you're here?

When the loneliest place on earth is in your mind, move out!

I think therefore I am not sure.

Éibhear isn’t my friend. He’s kin. A blood relation.”“Which means what exactly?”“To a Cadwaladr, it means that if I have good cause, I could beat the scales off his back and get away with it.

With the long list of supposedly health-endangering meals on our menus, ‘starving’ seems likea healthy option to have on our list of safe-to-eat meals.

Age is only a number. Keep an active life.

Peace and gladness in every home is a peace for the society, nation and the world.

You do not respond to a mosquito bite with a hammer.

I just think the world ought to be more sort of organized.''That's just fantasy, ' said Twoflower.'I know. That's the trouble.' Rincewind sighed again.

Matt shrugged. It was a good shrug, too. All it was missing was a beret, a stripy shirt and a Gauloise cigarette.

Memory is like a box of chocolates. They disappear quickly.

There exists a microscopic breed of brain beetle, commonly known as an ‘idea’. An idea desires only one thing: To catch the perfect brain wave.

Fear of new ideas breeds angry head spiders that have been known to attack.

If we all learnt cat-speak, we would often find they are saying, “You stupid human, I am trying to tell you something important right now!

*Prostitution* is a euphemism for rape incidents that the victim and the economy profits from.

A bunch of bad songs, make an awful whine.

The shades of colours are splendid.

I know about dance, like the creationist knows about science, and typically treat it with a similar contempt

Attracting musicians is rather like inviting flies over to tea: they are tolerable for half an hour, but when they begin to touch the food, you either wish they would go home or die.

Shame on you. Don't tell me you've been married for an hour and you've already got eyes for another woman.

For me to forgive my ex, he would have to sign a marriage contract with his tears and seal it with his blood.

In some cases, it is the woman’s stomach—not her heart—that has left her man for another.

In many cases, it was the woman’s stomach—not her heart—that fell for her man.

Divorce is not always a doorway to happiness. The same can be said about marriage.

Men (who cheat) do not cheat because they are dogs. They are (regarded as) dogs because they cheat.

Can we just be grateful for beauty & joy, fascination & tolerance, humour & love, nature & grace, and simply release any anger and pains?

We are, or rather our natural desire to evade pain and to attain pleasure is, the primary reason we do or say every single thing we do or say.

We didn't do anything illegal, All we ever did was be black.. #BlackLivesMatter

I'm the G when you spell OG

If ur laptop doesnt smell like fire then ur losing.

If I was meant to be controlled, I would have come with a remote.

If an Artist falls in love with you, you will live forever.

The hardest part about walking away from someone is the part where you realize that, no matter how slowly you go, they will never run after you.

Of course they were eaten, � he retorted, his eyes flashing in cold humour. “Trolls generally aren’t exactly renowned for being vegetarians.

Quiet, � she hissed at me, her voice shockingly aggressive for such a small person. “Otherwise, I’ll shut you up myself.

Even choosing the perfect dinner wine loses its earth-shattering importance if your guests happen to be cannibals, and you, the unsuspecting entree.

Two wrongs never add up to a right. But it's okay, I always sucked at maths.

Lipstick?" He arched a brow."I'm on the hunt for my perfect shade, " I respond, de

Most people believe most of the things they believe only because they believe that most people believe them.

The art of writing involves making as many cups of tea as you can in the time available for writing. Then adding extra time for writing...

I was bored stiff while reading this. I got so bored I wanted to slit my wrists to see how my flatmate would react.

Don't think like a shop girl! Think like a poet!"Veronica, Mary Gatskill