Humor Quotes

Let come the forces of night! We will stand!" "We will get the hell out of here is what we will do, " I muttered.

Seven smirked as he walked back over to me. "I gave you catharsis last night. Twice.

It may be prodigious, but it's all Greek to me!

[The cats] scamper in front of my legs, causing me to fall and face plant into whatever furniture is closest. They especially like to play this game when I’m carrying piping hot coffee.

The combination of ammonia and chloride can be lethal but I've discovered it can work miracles as long as you keep telling yourself, "I want to love, I want to live...

He's such a dear, Mr. Garnet. A beautiful, pure, bred Persian. He has taken prizes.""He's always taking something - generally food.

Just remember, if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off"- Cruz

I love the world, just, you know...not the people in it.

Just to keep the bad dreams at bay, she took a swig out of a bottle that smelled of apples and happy brain-death.

Ms. Fang is the nicest, sweetest teacher at Scary School. She only ate twelve kids last year.

We weren't really friends yet, just knowers of each other's secret stuff.

There is no real bravery in getting paid to save someone's life. However, there is a large amount of bravery in a nurse break dancing at the hospital's Christmas party.

How are we going to get out of here?""Oh, escape is easy once you have the right

Jokes are many things. 'Funny' is only one of them.

I never said nothing...""I know you never! I could hear you not saying anything! You've got the loudest silences I ever did hear from anyone who wasn't dead!

Vampires have credit cards?""We're undead, not Amish.

Knowing all the languages in the world could help you to really understand all the jokes you can hear... from my future Kids' Funny Business.

Looking but not seeing is the hearing but not understanding of the eye.

Prepare yourself for some bad news: Ronald Reagan’s library just burned down. Both books were destroyed. But the real horror: He hadn’t finished coloring either one of them.

Beside me, Philippe and Meg hold hands. He murmurs something that sounds like, "my dear leetle mongoose." I wish he'd turn back into a frog and hop away.

Ish #303 "It's a street food vendor! Stop asking for the health score rating.

In my book an erection constitutes personal growth.

It’s complicated, ” I said in defense, hands going up to show surrender.“Talk slowly, ” Jenna retorted derisively.“Okay, I deserved that, ” I admitted.

I'm English. We're about as tactful as a hot poker up the bum, most of the time.

It’s true—there are only, like, two songs about rainbows, including that one. He should be asking why there are so few songs about rainbows.

Although initially only few in numbers, it seems my gray hairs have launched an effective peer-pressure campaign intended to convert the others.

Your wife is a big hippo! My face is melting! My face is meltinnnnggg!

I really hate it when people want to kill me. It makes me think they don't want to be friends. - Raven from Blood of Prey

It was a little difficult to take him seriously when he sang along to a song about a woman taking another woman's man.

You'd be surprised." Charlie said."You go to bed one night singing her a lullaby, and she wakes up listening to Limp Bizkit.""What the hell is Limp Bizkit?

Dear Literary World, Sorry for breaking down your door...I'll pay for that!!! Since I'm here and planning to stay a while, let me tell you some stories!!

If I tell you another seven hundred times, maybe one of these days you might turn your clothes right side out when you put them in the hamper, eh?

Its Batteries! I just know it!

The risk I took was calculated, but, man, am I bad at math!

I'm going to need to save you.""Excuse me? No one needs-""I'm saving you, so shut up and be grateful.

I love that there's such a rivalry. It's like, leaf water versus bean water, ya know? - Charlie

Werewolves never joke about age, ” he said solemnly.“Why not?”Connor shrugged, a smile teasing his lips. “I dunno, ” he finally admitted. “I just thought it sounded good.

You don't appreciate a faithful husband when you've got one, ' said Tommy.'All my friends tell me you never know with husbands, ' said Tuppance.'You have the wrong kind of friends, ' said Tommy.

Reply when questioned on the safety of the polio vaccine he developed:It is safe, and you can't get safer than safe.

So where did you get your information? Werewolves for Dummies? No, wait, you watched Underworld? Or maybe you were raised by wolves? Stop mewhen I’m warm.” - Shella

Like some huge, mutant chicken–I sat there hatching a gas-egg the size of a planet.

Will you quit shouting and let me bleed in peace!

Peace cannot be achieved they have to be plucked out of their pod.

Self-doubt is a persuasive mistress careful not to shag her or you’ll never get your balls back.” - Simon Hunt

If everyone listened to me, the world would be a better place.

The fewer moving parts, the better." "Exactly. No truer words were ever spoken in the context of engineering.

I will call Guido if i need to

Wiping the rivulet of sweat running down my ear with the bottom of my muscle shirt, I snuck a sniff under my pit. Whoa. Kill a moose

So what do you think the physical effect was?"Roman Laughed. "Buddy, " he said, "she was tripping.

boys, girls and music . . why do they need gin?