Funny Quotes

Buffoons may have serious faces behind their mask!

am still confused, how you fallen in love' with fat dog?...

It's not fair!" (Ryssa)Because life was ever about fairness.Oh, to be as naive as his sister.

And there were carved hearts in the trunks of trees with the initials of couples who felt there was no more romantic thing they could do to celebrate their love than scar the local plant life

A woman needs a man like a tortoise needs a crah helmet.

I don’t think this is working out between us, ” I told him. “You and I want different things. It’s not me, it’s you.

Everybody! This is my cousin right here, and he just dethroned God's gift to Women - Griffin

I love to stalk. I love to stalk you real, real good. I took your name home after our date and we had the best Google session of my life.

I'd like to lose enough weight so that my bones creaked louder than the floor

As the nicknames get shorter, people come closer.

Jeez, you’re strong.” And you, Sam, are a conversational reject.

I want you to get a haircut so you don't look like Ish Kabibble on a rainy night.

You look worse today than you did when you had two blackeyes.”“Why, thank you, Tyler. You always say the sweetest things.

Not to alarm you or anything, but I think you just made a deal with a Mexican gang." I've read Simone Elkeles books. I know how this whole garage as a front thing works.

Have you ever chopped down something with an ax? Not fun. I now have serious doubts regarding George Washington and his cherry tree.

There really isn't much use in getting into a pissing contest since I have to sit down to pee anyway.

You ‘accidentally’ touched his bottom? Didn’t that happen when you last saw him aswell? Surprising how often that seems to be a problem.

No punching?" he asked."No.""No kicking?""No.""How about arm wrestling?""No. And before you ask, we've avoided Slug Bug, Slap Bets, and any and all Dance-Offs."Fate Succumbs

i like it because it is so funny and harry is so rude and but sometime he ca be nice to people.

I wanted to beat the heck out of the JV guys for that, except I wouldn't know what to do in a fistfight without a manual.

Kissing, said Lesley, ought really to be taught as a school subject, preferably instead of religious studies, which nobody needed.

Most humans expressed affection by pressing their lips together, a simple act, so why would anyone feel the need to research the process?

I'd like to point out that we've had zero problem reaching each other's mouths.

You keep the title of 'president' even if you served only one term. The same goes for rapists.

Don't confuse efforts with results....

I had not, I said to myself, come into the future to carry on a miniature flirtation.

Have you ever heard of the theory of relativity?"Artemis blinked. "Is this a joke? I have traveled through time, Doctor. I think I know a little something about relativity.

First people lose their hair, then their vices, then their motivation. Then a toupee brings it all flowing back.

Ender began to eat, slowly and carefully, pretending not to notice he was the center of attention.

This was one of those non-glamorous parts about college that people never tell you about - worrying that the dilapidated apartment hosting a party would fall apart with you in it.

If you have a problem with me, it is OK, because Mullah Omar does too.

I don't know.  I don't really like old movies.  The acting is so, 'Hey buddy, ol' pal.  Let's go wear our hats and have a big misunderstanding

Even her pink bunny slippers seem to prick up their ears.Diary of a Penguin-napper (p. 15)

Ricewind had always relied on running away. But somerimes, perhaps, you had to stand and fight, if only because there was nowhere left to run.

I hate when I break my own rules. What’s the point of me being rational if I flail around like a clown?

Honor is kind of what you get when you weaponize manners ...

If you want to live a life free of regret, there is an option open to you. It’s called a lobotomy.

Only dead fishes go with the flow.. I guess that make me a dead fish!

We're dying of boredom, Corporal, that's the problem.' [Blend] 'If boredom was fatal there wouldn't be a soldier alive on this whole world, Blend.' [Picker]

But a movie doesn't have to be good if it has Hugh Jackman.

Jason smiled and took a sip of his coke before responding. “I’m not sure how to reply to that. I thought about just giving you a nasty look. But I see you already have one.

Hyperbolic statements will be the death of us all

Graham's life is as tense as an overstretched simile.

I would have grown up to be a gentleman adventurer if I were more of a gentleman.

Ear demons are totally real, " Cody said. "They're what make microphones like these ones work. They're also what tell you to eat the last slice of pie when you know Tia wanted it.

You're impossible, " she told him. "Of course I am, " he answered. "It's part of my charm.

Nevermind nomenclatures, boy! What a serendipitous situation this is!

Please don't arrest me.""Listen to me, I'm not going to arrest you, ok? I'm not a cop.""Are you sure?""Am I sure I'm not a cop? yes, I'm sure.""You could be undercover.

You promise?""I cross the place where my heart used to be and wish to be even more deader than I am now.

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