Funny Quotes

I need the ting but not ting ting ting

At this moment, I know that the answer has to be yes. I am defeated. By my own father. How Darth Vader.

My mother-in-law belongs in Hell, but the devil is afraid she’ll end up taking over.

That's what gets converts these days, " Baron said. "It's a buyers' market in apocalypse. What's hot in heresy's Armageddon.

Yer a wizard, Harry!

Most of you Mistborn are probably too proud to crawl. I'm surprised you were willing to do so your

Don't ask for a girl's hand in marriage and forget to ask for her leg too.

If God had a wife He would be in just as much trouble as any man.

Happy COUPLES are those who have passed both chemistry and physics!

Life and death played out before my very eyes. You don't see these things if you clean your room regularly.

If you have time today, so let's show you some strange stone.

Boyfriend?”Her cheeks heated. “Yes.”“Funny name.”“What?” She frowned. “Ernest is a perfectly nice name.”“Oh, I thought I heard you call him Ermine.

Hell freezing over? I don't know. But the devil's definitely wearing a sweater.

I wish you well - if you will die. May you rest in peace.

so funny how i was so desperate triiying to reach to this point ...and now i have nothing to said im symple out of words, , ,

Climate change is like my head: it’s not visible in every instance, but I’m pretty darn sure it’s there.

I like cats. They don't care if you love Jesus.

I enlarge the photo again. Nope, too blurry

All right, I'll wait another two thousand years to make jokes about my evilness.

Ugly truths are the biggest source of indigestion in humans.

That you exist, is offense enough to arrest you.

In theory, especially in the case of Stone, those who have human hearts would remain cognizant of their behavior and in control of themselves. Those who are Katagaria . . .

Even-money that my liver lasts through my wife's metamorphosis to my mother-in-law.

Without setbacks there'd be no comebacks, and everyone loves a come.

Life at times is a bunch of crap, the nice part about crap is that it's biodegradable.

Christmas without a murder plot is like a day without giant spiders eaten orphans" (quote on my special gift holiday mugs)

Graduating from the School of Hard Knocks doesn't always get you to Fort Knox.

I hope the next time you get a double-decker strawberry ice-cream cone the ice cream part falls off the cone and lands in Australia.

You’re starting to sound like one of those songs that DJ’s play when they wanna clear out the dancefloor.

You arrogant little snot (John Hammond)

Groupies will give you Chlamydia, Edward.”“Right, Virg. Groupies throw underwear on stage. They don’t throw flowers.

It's funny how the people who know the least about you, always have the most to say.

Girls are like Pokemon, it doesn't matter how good you are, you can't catch any if you don't have any balls.

If you don't do anything stupid when you're young, you won't remember something funny when you're old.

I have started a new blog W.A.R.(Writers Amongst Readers) for all those writing or reading books. Quotes, excerpts, comments from the world's greatest writers. See robinhawdonblog

I am always happy, because whenever I am sad I just know that somewhere, somehow, there is a person who is PUSHING a door that says PULL.

Treat me like a joke, watch me leave you like its funny

They are not grey roots! This is my new fifty shades of grey OMBRE hairstyle!

All can I say is that exams are damn pathetic

Special Super Bowl Wisdom of the Ages: "Super Bowl Sunday" "Lost in a Roman wilderness of pain-and all the children are insane.-" The Doors

Turning to Turnip, Miss Dempsey said, 'Do you think?'. 'As little as I can, ' Turnip replied honestly.

Are You Driving With Your Eyes Open? Or Are You like Using The Force?

There is no cure for madness except the madness as the cure.

Gentle reminder, Smile please.

What a cool name. Where'd you get it?""I've always had it.

You're boring me, M'Ordant. Go away." V'Aidan"You can't be bored." M'Ordant"And a good thing, too, since I'd no doubt perish from it while in your company." V'Aidan

The fool has said in his heart: pass me another Everlasting God-Stopper, please.

Archbishop: "God is with us!"William the Great : "Bishop, if God is with us, then he is not with them, congratulations!We are victorious!

loosing character is not easy, behind lots of hard work

I am not fake, I am just to good to be true :-)