Funny Quotes
Do I have a long-term plan? Kind of. I have a general direction, I think. But it's funny what comes down the pike.
There's not a single job in this town. There's nothin', nada, zip. Unless you wanna workforty hours a week.
By the time we get to church, I need church cuz I've been yelled at by everyone in the family.
You have to change those diapers every day. When those directions on the side of the Pampers box say, 'holds 6-12 pounds' they're not kidding!
Please don't get me wrong here. I'm not making fun of old people. In fact I think that's the goal of everybody here tonite. We all want to be an old person someday.
I've been to all 50 states, and traveled this whole country, and 90 percent of the people are good folks. The rest of them take after the other side of the family.
The things that I'm talking about not knowing, they're not mysteries of the universe; it's just stuff I thought I would know by the time I was thirty-nine.
The real question is how do you stay funny in your 70s and 80s? And that's a real accomplishment, you know, the longevity.
Probably because I'm bald. Don't the bald people always play doctors and principals? Yeah, isn't that funny? And lawyers. A lot of lawyers and judges.
By the way, I'm funniest when I'm not being funny. I'm better to laugh at than with, pretty much.
From my dad ... I think we have a similar sense of humor. I don't know if that's a good or bad thing, but I think he's funny!
Certainly my films are cinematically unusual, and quite contemplative in their pacing compared to conventional films, but I think overall they are quite engaging, accessible, and even funny.
I know people will think it's funny because I've done glamour modelling in the past, but I felt embarrassed about my body and just wanted to cover it up.
Like backstage, I just peed like every 3 seconds. I think yur staff thinks I have diarrhea.
I just think it should be illegal to call someone fat on TV... Because why is humiliating people funny?
People are funny. They often don't mean to be, and that's what makes it even more endearing.
Ain't it funny how a moment could just change your life, and you don't want to face what's wrong or right. Ain't it strange how fate can play a part, in the story of your heart.
A romantic comedy has to be funny and make you think about life; but the obstacle that has to be overcome is key.
I can't watch other people doing comedy. As soon as somebody starts being funny I have to turn off because it upsets me. I get comedy indigestion. I just hate anybody else being funny. That's my job.
On the key to a successful Twitter account: Write the things that you think are funny and that's what's gonna click with people.
To be sitting on the bench behind somebody who only started to play when he was 30 is not funny.
After being impaled by a javelin, while officiating- I'm doing fine now, just resting and hanging around.
It's just thinking of funny things that will amuse us and entertain us and we'll come and do it.
I can't stand girls who laugh at everything I say like I'm the funniest guy in the world. I like girls who tell it like it is, no kissing up to me because I'm on TV.
I was always worried with comedy - what if I came to work and I wasn't in a funny mood? That hasn't been an issue.
I do think laughter is the most important thing, and being able to see the funny side of nearly anything is a crucial, crucial thing.
Give an average baby a fair chance, and if it doesn't do something it oughtn't to a doctor should be called in at once.
What readers ask nowadays in a book is that it should improve, instruct, and elevate. This book wouldn't elevate a cow.
Swearing relieves the feelings - that is what swearing does. I explained this to my aunt on one occasion, but it didn't answer with her. She said I had no business to have such feelings.
"Not sure," he retorted; "you call yourself a journalist, and admit there is a subject under Heaven of which you are not sure!"
Love is too pure a light to burn long among the noisome gases that we breathe, but before it is choked out we may use it as a torch to ignite the cozy fire of affection.
It's really extraordinary what a variety of ways of loving there must be. We all do it as it was never done before.
The proverbial Englishman, we know from old chronicler Froissart, takes his pleasures sadly, and the Englishwoman goes a step further and takes her pleasures in sadness itself.
We love to entertain audiences and this picture does that - it's romantic, it's funny, it's got a nice message and I think it's a gift to the audience to be able to enjoy this movie.
Enos Cabell started out here with the Astros, and before that he was with the Orioles.
If Rose's streak was still intact, with that single to left, the fans would be throwing babies out of the upper deck.
There's a deep fly ball... Winfield goes back, back... his head hits the wall ... it's rolling towards second base.