Funny Humour Quotes
Funny Humour Quote of the day
As soon as I got funny, I killed any majestic intentions in my work.
Pity, I've learned, is like a fart. You can tolerate your own, but you simply can't stand anyone else's.
She ignores me, so I cup my hands over my mouth and do something I haven’t done in years— barnyard sounds.
Oh! That was poetry!" said Pippin. "Do you really mean to start before the break of day?
My wife is way funnier than I am. As much as I don't really feel I share a sense of humour with my family, I definitely share one with her - we find the same things funny.
Crime writers, I've noticed, can be jumpy. They live in a world where there are murderers on the loose and they haven't been caught yet!
Women who seek advice from single women about getting a man is like asking a homeless man how to be rich.
I could still box your ears.”“Nonsense, ” he scoffed. “You couldn’t reach that high.
What are you boys doing?” she asks, as if we’re still little kids messing around.“Arguin’, ” Carlos says matter-of-factly.
Ben walks in the room and asks, “What were you guys doing?” Nikki says “Nothing” at the same time I say, “Your sister and I were just makin’ out.
Sylvia grabs my sleeve. “He’s a looker.”“I know. The problem is, he knows it, too.
A text pops up on the screen. It’s from Luis. I can’t help but grin when I read his perfectly thought-out me
What’s with all those tattoos? Makes you look like a hooligan.”“I suspect I am a hooligan.
cause if you were my girlfriend and a stud like me was livin’ in your house, I’d kiss you in front of the guy every chance I got as a reminder.
I’m not going anywhere until you hear me out.”Oh, please no. Anything except having to listen to her lecture. I push the button that calls the
You were lookin’ at me like you wanted to kiss me.”I force a laugh. “Yeah, right, ” I say sarcastically.“Nobody’s watchin’ if you want to, you know, try it. Not to brag, but I’m somewhat of an expert.
Don’t try and make me feel better, Alex. I hate you.”“I hate you, too.
Listen, I didn’t ask for a face and body girls find attractive. But thanks to the mixture of my parents’ DNA, I’ve got them, and I’m not ashamed to use ’em.
I had shaved my beard for her-a huge disappointment, because I’d enjoyed my three weeks looking like a bank robber.
You're asking the cyborg fugitive and the wild animal to be the welcoming committee? That's adorable.
I wash the clothes, rinse them and then scrub them again. Will that square little box do that? I am not using any fancy machines when my hands will do.
I had not, I said to myself, come into the future to carry on a miniature flirtation.
When they’re together, the world could fall apart around them and they’d never notice or care as long as they have each
Lipstick?" He arched a brow."I'm on the hunt for my perfect shade, " I respond, de
If a wizard should take up residence in your garden and requests food, you are obliged to feed him.
No bikinis on a first date.” He nods. “I’m sure that’s a rule. Or should be. For my sisters anyway.
I guess I like things that take time and attention. More worthwhile that way.
This is Sailor Supergirl, ” George says. “She knows all about black holes.
Right. Because if you have trouble putting ketchup and mustard on a hot dog, you should totally move on to saving lives.
When I turn back to Jase, he’s again beaming at me. “You’re nice.” He sounds pleased, as if he hadn’t expected this aspect of my personality.
When they’re together, the world could fall apart around them and they’d never notice or care as long as they have each other.
Flirting with random women in a tavern? That sounds like Helios. Well, it sounds like most of the gods, actually.
It's just...how do I put this? Maybe it's just hard for me to imagine turning down something that's so much harder for someone like me to find.
Sketchy black van? Weird stalking of my house? What are you going to do next, offer me some candy?
Now I know this is going to seem counter to every instinct that you have, but I'm going to ask you to sit still, or I'll put you in the trunk.
In the event that your feminist activities are discovered, quick diversions include bursting into song, asking him how to fix something in the room and fainting.
Even choosing the perfect dinner wine loses its earth-shattering importance if your guests happen to be cannibals, and you, the unsuspecting entree.
If we all learnt cat-speak, we would often find they are saying, “You stupid human, I am trying to tell you something important right now!
