Comedy Quotes
It never ceases to amaze me how many people think I kill for fun.”“Don’t y
All the latchkey children cursed and smashed bottles, teased about underwear, and puffed on those unfiltered cigarettes that only the cowboys could roll.
She let out a strangled laugh. “Yeah, that’s how it works. I just woke up one morning and was like, ‘gee, I want to screw Kyler.’ Seriously, you have no clue.
Isn't it funny that they say most girls have daddy issues, when really, every dude does?
I had aimed at Mars and was about to hit Venus unquestionably the all-time cosmic record for poor shots.
It was going to be our job to annoy someone?” “I know—it’s a dream come true!
Once upon a time, Jack wouldn't have been caught dead in a princess rescue.
After an hour the score was: Quancita—34 Radiz—51 Sally—froglegs Perla—9 a
Why would any writer in her right mind ever consider making a movie instead? That's like going from being a monk or a nun to serving as a camp counselor for hundreds of problem children.
What a nickname. Teenagers can be so cruel. I’m embarrassed to be one of them.
Are you okay?” “Yeah.” “Good, ” she said, “because if you fall off a skyscraper, I’ll be so mad at you.
Are you . . . lost?” “Not really, ” she told him. “We just don’t know where we’re going.
What are you doing?” I asked Loretta. “Stabbing a cushion, ” she told me.
It's time to laugh at your nightmares and have nightmares of your laughter.
A survey was done on people who LIE, but the results were unreLIEable
Did Cap’n Vidious leave that? He is such a cuddlebunny.” “Yeah, ” I said, “that’s exactly how I’d describe him.
Did you just call me ‘sweetie’?” I asked. She shoved my shoulder. “No.
Now you’re listening to Swedish ?” I asked her. “He thinks I’m the Compass because every time I see ticktocks, I happen to be there!
If Chess is the switch, ” Loretta said, “how does he turn the Fog off?” Bea bit her lower lip. “I don’t know—ask Chess.” “How would I know?” I said. “You try being a switch.
Loretta started belting out a song: “Row, row, row your boat, sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G !
I don’t give sick days if you’re playing in the snow.” He’s being funny, or trying to be funny. I can never tell which.
The first time you went out, you became mixed up with a group of radical political terrorists.”“That could have happened to anyone!
You’re not worried about being compromised, are you?” he asked. “Because I’ve already done that.
My heart’s so light it floats and carries me so my feet don’t walk. I sing all day and I don’t mind the washing, and that’s how I know I’m in love. Completely smitten with My Lord the cat.
We are about to be eaten by a dragon, you’re crawling on bleeding hands through bat droppings, and you’re worried about being proper?
When you marooned me on that God forsaken spit of land, you forgot one very important thing mate. I'm Captain Jack Sparrow.
Moms are so hard to understand! They'll never allow us to go on diet for fitness but forcefully make us fast in the name of God!~Swapna Rajput~
I am so tired of this gothic crap, ” I muttered. “Just once, I want to meet the villain in a cheerful, brightly lit room. Possibly one with kittens.
My maid never sweeps under the bed so I asked her to do so today. Found a pen, three pairs of shoes and the man I had lost two years ago.
... even one centimetre can make an awful lot of difference when you don't have many to spare.
We all go through the same things - it's just a different kind of the same thing
because daytime leaves vampires less than, well, conscious, I told him, “Take your muffins to Boston and shut it, Terrance.” And then I hung up on him.
Not everything is funny or will make you laugh...but what a worthy goal to have.
Some women nodded, others shook their heads. I would have killed myself before I let one of them move into my house. Would you Helen? Would you really?