Mark Twain Quotes

Kindness is a language herd by deaf men and felt by blind men.

A proud man is one who waits for a vacancy in the Trinity.

In all the ages, three-fourths of the support of the great charities has been conscience money.

Tea is an affront to lunch and an insult to dinner.

There is nothing more frustrating than a good example.

There is no humor in heaven.

A reputable lawyer will advise you to keep out of the law, make the best of a foolish bargain, and not get caught again.

...heaven for climate, and hell for society.

I wish Europe would let Russia annihilate Turkey a little--not much, but enough to make it difficult to find the place again without a divining-rod or a diving-bell.

There is a sumptuous variety about the New England weather... In the spring I have counted one hundred and twenty-six different kinds of weather inside of four and twenty hours.

I prefer milk because I am a Prohibitionist, but I do not go to it for inspiration.

Recipe for a long life: Only smoke while awake. Only run when being chased.

All my life I have been honest-comparatively honest. I could never use money I had not made honestly-I could only lend it.

Armor is heavy, yet it is a proud burden, and a man standeth straight in it.

Eight grown Americans out of ten dread the coming of the Fourth, with its pandemonium and its perils, and they rejoice when it is gone-if still alive.

Each of you, for himself, by himself and on his own responsibility, must speak.

When a humorist ventures upon the grave concerns of life he must do his job better than another man or he works harm to his cause.

You can't throw too much style into a miracle.

Geological time is not money.

It has always been a peculiarity of the human race that it keeps two sets of morals in stock-the private and the real, and the public and the artificial.

I find that the further I go back, the better things were, whether they happened or not.

There is no such thing as an ordinary life.

We write frankly and freely, but then we modify before we print.

There is no urge so great as for one man to edit another man's work.

How far we travel in life matters far less than those we meet along the way.

Unexpected money is a delight. The same sum is a bitterness when you expected more.

Reputation is a hall-mark: it can remove doubt from pure silver, and it can also make the plated article pass for pure.

Half of the results of a good intentions are evil; half the results of an evil intention are good.

Human Beings are the only animals that blush, or need to.

Guides cannot master the subtleties of the American joke.

Tell the truth or trump-but get the trick.

Learning softeneth the heart and breedeth gentleness and charity.

There is nothing more awe-inspiring than a miracle except the credulity that can take it at par.

None but the dead have free speech.

Whose property is my body? Probably mine. I so regard it. If I experiment with it, who must be answerable? I, not the State. If I choose injudiciously, does the state die? Oh, no.

Perhaps it will be simplest to throw away the tags and generalize India with one all-comprehensive name, as the Land of Wonders.

To stand still is to fall behind.

The choir always tittered and whispered all through the service. There was once a church choir that was not ill-bred, but I have forgotten where it was.

Wagner has some great moments, but a lot of miserable half hours.

Too much is just enough.

I do love compliments, yet I'm often embarrassed to say what I think to the person when I get a compliment. I so often feel that they have not gone far enough.

The Public is merely a multiplied 'me.'

I am not given to exaggeration, and when I say a thing I mean it.

But it warn't no time to be sentimentering.

What a man wants with religion in these breadless times, surpasses my comprehension.

Men are easily dealt with--but when you get the women started, you are in for it, you know.

In America-as elsewhere-free speech is confined to the dead.

I'm pushing 60 years of age...and that's enough exercise for me.

There are two types of speakers: those that are nervous and those that are liars.

My interest in my work dies a sudden and violent death when the work is done.