John Cleese Quotes

Either people walk round dressed as chickens or they listen to Beethoven.

We need to be in the open mode when we are pondering a problem, but, once we come up with a solution, we must then switch to the closed mode to implement it.

I have a tendency sometimes to get too logical with what I'm writing, just because I want it to be kind of perfect.

I love having different cultures around, but when the parent culture kind of dissipates, you're left thinking, 'Well, what's going on?'

I don't understand why very, very rich people want to have even more money than they've already got.

I've always found life quite difficult to explain to people or to myself.

Wine is wonderful stuff. But so many people are put off by the snobbery of it.

It's too difficult to start right from scratch and try and be funny out of the blue.

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him enter regional distribution codes in data field 97 to facilitate regression analysis on the back end.

I think the hard thing for young comedians is that the majority of the young people in the audience out there don't have the wide range of references.

Creativity is not an ability that you either have or do not have. It is, for example, and this may surprise you, absolutely unrelated to IQ, provided you're intelligent above a certain minimal level.

The open mode is a mood in which curiosity for its own sake can operate, because we're not under pressure to get a specific thing done properly. We can play.

It's easier to be creative if you've got other people to play with.

Sense of humor is so much more subjective than anyone believes.

Laughter is the best creative medicine.

I'm very odd 'cause I think there's more than just a materialist planet, a materialist, reductionist planet.

All humour is critical, you know? You make stupid jokes. I mean, stupidity is an infirmity, isn't it?

I want to write a book which is the history of comedy.

I don't want to hurt people.

The Americans all love 'The Holy Grail', and the English all love 'Life Of Brian', and I'm afraid on this one, I side with the English.

For those wondering how to deal with anxiety and depression, the first thing to consider is what you're putting into your mouth.

I don't miss London much. I find it crowded, vast and difficult to get around. Cabs are incredibly expensive.

Yes it's her husband. She hasn't got over it. Died thirty years ago.

I tend to have an odd split in my mind: I tend to look at it as a writer and when the writing thing is OK and I'm happy with it, then I put on my actor's hat.

What is absurd is not the teachings of the founders of religion, it's what followers subsequently make of it.

We all die at the end, but does that nullify everything? Would most people rather say, "I wish I hadn't been born?" Once you're born you'll have to die, now is that funny or sad?

I think humor is incredibly positive, I think it is life advancing. There's medical research to show that it improves your antibodies. It's all about sense and perspective.

In Britain, girls seem to be either bright or attractive. In America, that's not the case. They're both.

Manuel will show you to your rooms - if you're lucky.

Students who laugh more- learn more. Students who laugh more earn more.

Loving your neighbour as much as yourself is practically bloody impossible? You might as well have a commandment that states,'Thou shalt fly'.

I was a terrible dancer. I dance like an Englishman.

You go in and meet the head of BBC One and get an assurance about not dumbing down. And then, of course a few months later, he's been replaced by someone you haven't met.

Michael Palin decided to give up on his considerable comedy talents to make those dreadfully tedious travel shows. Have you ever tried to watch one?

I was very sad to hear of the death of Ronnie Barker, who was such a warm, friendly and encouraging presence to have when I started in television. He was also a great comic actor to learn from.

Most of the bad taste I've been accused of has been generic bad taste; it's been making fun of an idea as opposed to a person.

You have to create boundaries of space and then you have to create boundaries of time.

What's the bleedin' point?

I'm always meeting new people, and my list of friends seems to change quite a bit.

The writing is the most important bit, and performing it is just closing the circle because I'm less likely to screw it up than anyone else.

I wish you wusses would stop whining about your unhappiness. I'm really fed up with it. Pour yourself a scotch and pull yourself together. Go out and shoot something!

The great thing about Florida is you - each city's about two hours' drive from everywhere else.

What I've always wanted to do is be as funny as possible.

That's a lovely experience when you make an audience laugh. Then the nerves go away for a bit. And sometimes you do things then that you've never done before that are really funny.

I don't want to have to start being unselfish again. The great thing about being on your own is you do what you damned well like.

Filming takes a lot out of you. It really does. It's immensely demanding, and you have to put the rest of your life in the icebox until you do your final shot.

I would like to do my own eulogy, and then shoot myself and then get in the coffin.

Other people, you know, put a latex rubber on, you know, to become sexually excited. There's so much I don't understand.

years ago we would have been burned for this. Now what I am suggesting is that we've advanced.

Filming is like a long air journey: there's so much hanging around and boredom that they keep giving you food.