Jay Mohr Quotes

Marc Maron's podcast success has nothing to do with my podcast success. If I do a quarter of a million downloads, I can show that to an advertiser as a fact, and that's that.

I think I made a mistake once... yeah... it was only once.

I wasn't the guy everyone liked. I was the guy that wouldn't shut up.

I was the youngest kid on my street, the youngest comic in the clubs. I always felt like I was playing catch-up. I was very angry.

If it's going to really make them happy for me to do it, I'll do Walken. I've got no problem with it at all.

I'd go back, yeah. I don't care, I got a kid, man - I'll sell tampons. I mean, there's no selling-out once you get a kid. I got a kid.

I never minded George Steinbrenner spending obscene amounts of money to put the best product on the field.

Yogi Berra put it best, "If people don't want to come, we can't stop them."

You don't really drive in cabs in L.A. unless you're broke or homeless - or if you're broke and driving the cab.

There's not a rocket scientist, not a doctor, not an accountant that 30 years in goes, "Oh, now I'm getting it. Now I can't wait to get back out there because I'm better than ever."

Every imperfection you have as a man makes a sound as it knifes through satin sheets.

Joan Rivers is 80 and she's fantastic. She lives in mortal fear of not filling that 1,500-seat room.

True Yankees are born, not made.

I'm oddly not competitive. What I love about show business is there is a home for everyone.

I think stand-up's, the older they get, the better they get.

I know content-wise I leave nothing to chance. I have no anxiety about what I'm going to do once I'm out on stage.

If you were an actor, anybody could go on Broadway and take a George Carlin hour and do it on stage as a one man show. They're all stand alone essays.

The jokes were perfect! Then George Carlin started talking about the seven dirty words you can't say on television, then it evolved into social commentary.

If anyone thinks my show was 'pretty good,' then I've completely failed.

When I'm home I'm in much more of a routine like I said, which I like. On the road everything gets flip-flopped.

You can vibe out when people are getting tired or they're too drunk to keep going along with.