Janet Evanovich Quotes

There is no such thing as a good call at 7 AM. It's been my experience that all calls between the hours of 11 PM and 9 AM are disaster calls.

He squinted at me. "What are you wearing? Is that some new form of birth control?

If I let her in I'm doomed. It's like inviting a vampire into your house. Once you've invite them in, that's it, you're good as dead!

I wasn’t sure anymore what made a good marriage. There had to be love, of course, but there were so many different kinds of love. And clearly, some love was more enduring than others.

On the bright side, I'm sure this isn't the last time you'll ever get firebombed, so maybe you'll have better luck next time.

Respect and love your readers. Write for the reader.

Amen" Lula said and she made the sign of the cross. "I thought you were Baptist." "Yeah, but we don't got any hand signals for an occasion like this.

I really wouldn't classify the books as mysteries. I prefer to say that they're adventures.

I don't think his elevator went all the way to the top anymore, if you know what I mean

Connie drove a silver Camry with rosary beads hanging from her rearview mirror and a Smith& Wesson stuck under the seat. No matter whatwent down, Connie was covered.

I want to be there when you get Cubbin. And I don’t want to be left out of the television show either. Little people are sexy now. Have you seen Game of Thrones? We’re hot.

I did such a gigantic eye roll I almost fell over.

That's one of the things I like about Mary Lou. She's willing to believe the worst about anyone.

I stuck my tongue out at him because I was feeling exceptionall mature.

Cute? I think my testosterone level just dropped - Ranger

Life is about survival of the fittest, and Jersey is producing the master race.

You ever get any death threats? How about ex-husbands or ex-boyfriends? You run over anyone recently?” ~ Morelli

Your life isn't out of control. It's expanded.

The note wasn't signed, but I could tell it was from Morelli by the way my nipples got hard.

I almost never shoot people.

You think I'm gonna feel better eatin' a carrot? Get a grip. There's two idiots out there trying to kill me, and you think I'm gonna waste my last breath on a vegetable? (Lula)

Are you afraid of me? Uh... yes.' The smile stayed fixed in place. 'You should be. You locked me in a refrigerator truck with three dead people. Sooner or later I'm going to get you for it.

I hate mornings. They start so early.

You need teeth like mine!" Grandma said. "You can just mail 'em to the dentist!

How was your day?" Morelli asked me. "Oh, you know, the usual. Stole a truck. Blew up a building, and brought seven monkeys home with me.

You gonna take the case?" It's not a case. It's a missing person. Sort of." You're gonna have a devil of a time finding him if it was aliens," Grandma said.

I make lots of mistakes. I try hard not to make the same mistake more than three or four times.

Ranger locked eyes with me. "Please," he said. Tank and Hal were goggle-eyed. They weren't used to "please." I wasn't used to it either. But I liked it. Okay," I said. "Be careful. He's insane.

You fainted," I told Tank. "I did not," Tank said. "That's a lie.

I have bad car juju." -Stephanie Plum

You'd tell me if we were getting married, wouldn't you? I mean, you wouldn't just appear on my doorstep one day and say we were due at the church in an hour.

Turns out, that's how it is with weddings. You just keep getting in deeper and deeper until you want to throw up.

And when I was in the trunk, I saw Jesus. And the Virgin Mary. And Ozzy Osbourne.

Well, sure, but I don't bring God into it. I think shower massage might have been invented by the devil. God invented the missionary position.

With the exception of dessert, food is food.

This is war,' I yelled through the door. Lucky for me,' Morelli said. 'I give good war.

Pete- What does a woman want out of marriage? Louisa- Undying devotion and a warm place to put her cold feet when she gets into bed at night.

I guessed my mother figured if my father got right down to the task of eating he wouldn’t be so inclined to jump up and strangle my grandmother.

Omygod, I haven’t got years. I’ll have to hide in the Bat Cave.” “Once you go to the Bat Cave it’s forever, babe.” Eeek.

He doesn’t look very smart,” Diesel said. “He’s not even giving me the finger.” “Can monkey’s do that?” Hal asked. Carl gave him the finger. “Cool!” Hal said.

And something chocolate, of course. A meal was not a meal without some sort of chocolate for desert.

I'd kiss you, but you smell like a gym bag.

You're such a cupcake.

What's this outfit? You can't afford clothes? Are you wearing other peoples?" Helen Plum

It's not the pizza, darlin', its my masculine presence." Joe Morelli

He specializes in virgins! The brush of his fingertips turns virgins into slobbering mush." Mary Lou Molnar

I don't mean to change the subject or anything, but have you tried concealer on that zit?" Cynthia Lotte - Hot Six

Cupcake, your middle name is trouble.

You can't put cuffs on Mr. Cluck! What will the kids think?" Stuart Bagget

You're going to find this hard to believe, but cops aren't required to carry emergency condoms." Joe Morelli