David Cross Quotes

Ive got a lot of friends there and there is stuff to do but as much as I dislike LA I really like living and working in New York City.

A verbose, prosaic review which mentions whistling winds and the timeless feeling of jade doesn't mean anything to me; I don't need a novella telling me about how an album is like a fine meal.

I'll think of the idea and then I'll write something down, then within that there will be a joke or two which is the original thing which I thought was funny.

[If Donald Trump does get elected, I will be] probably Secretary Of Reeducation. Or I don't know. I'll probably end up working in the cafeteria.

I recently attended a pro-drug rally... in my basement.

I am truly passionate and concerned about the lack of empathy that people show towards one another.

I'm concerned about how and why there is no gun control.

I'm a professional comic. Whether you think I'm funny or not, that's, again, subjective.

Hopefully people will be reinventing comedy forever and ever. This is just what I do, and it's a type of comedy.

You can't just yell jokes at people.

I was born Jewish, but I am an atheist. I dont believe in God.

And it's one more shitty thing to write about somebody, in between getting really, really, really upset at female Ghostbusters and Gamergate, and the things that really matter.

I've had plenty of negative reviews. I have my entire life.

I don't want to do 20 minutes on Donald Trump. I want to do 10 minutes and move on. I wouldn't even do that with a live show, because I don't want it to feel like "An Evening Of Political Comedy."

Florida was the low point.The entire state, yep. I'm not sure I'd go back.

I'm not going to benefit from free college education, but I think all those things are good for the country.

There were a handful of shows that were just painful. Not many, but things where I just said going into it, "Why am I here? What am I doing?"

I'm directing the Sky show. I'm not going to be in it. I'm just writing and directing it. So that'll satisfy that part of my brain.

I've never written jokes. I mean, I'll write things on a piece of paper and riff on them onstage.

You have to get the second season by acquiescing to a third season.

The underpinning of immigration concerns is xenophobia and racism and nationalism.

I'd say 95 percent of my audience was white. They were mostly kind of older hipster folks like myself.

I still think that, hopefully, you're not ahead of the jokes, and I think that has value. There is a punchline and it's pointed - and, again, whether you think it's funny or not, that's subjective.

I've gotten "condescending" a million times, and that's not good.

It's easy to see that two people might come up with that same idea.

I'm not a centrist, and there's nothing about me that's centrist. I never have been.

Once you get into the [Donald] Trump stuff, you get people going, "I didn't come here to have my political views bashed."

I've never thought of myself as a hoity-toity cultural critic.

I have no hesitation doing children's movies. Zero. And I don't even have kids.

I was heavily influenced by Andy Kaufman and Steven Wright.

Nobody is going to be as bad for free thinking, right-minded individuals than George Bush.

As far as just my stand-up is concerned, I don't care about changing anyone's mind. I'm not making an argument. I'm a guy doing comedy.

I have a few business ideas (that I'm going to advertise in High Times, amongst other places), and one of them is a service in which I offer to eat and describe pork to kosher people.