Ambrose Quotes

RUIN, v. To destroy. Specifically, to destroy a maid's belief in the virtue of maids.

That part of your friend which it is your privilege to contemplate in your adversity

ASPERSE, v.t. Maliciously to ascribe to another vicious actions which one has not had the temptation and opportunity to commit.

Revelation: a famous book in which St. John the Divine concealed all that he knew. The revealing is done by the commentators, who know nothing.

PRESENTABLE, adj. Hideously appareled after the manner of the time and place.

IMPENITENCE, n. A state of mind intermediate in point of time between sin and punishment.

OLD, adj. In that stage of usefulness which is not inconsistent with general inefficiency, as an "old man". Discredited by lapse of time and offensive to the popular taste, as an "old" book.

RIBALDRY, n. Censorious language by another concerning oneself.

A man is known by the company he organizes.

While your friend holds you affectionately by both your hands, you are safe, for you can watch both his.

The ghost is the outward and visible signs of an inward fear.

FIB, n. A lie that has not cut its teeth. An habitual liar's nearest approach to truth: the perigee of his eccentric orbit.

Male, A member of the unconsidered or negligible gender. The male of the human race is commonly known to the female as Mere Man. The Genus has two varieties: good providers and bad providers.

LOSS, n. Privation of that which we had, or had not. Thus, in the latter sense, it is said of a defeated candidate that he "lost his election".

EVANGELIST, n. A bearer of good tidings, particularly (in a religious sense) such as assure us of our own salvation and the damnation of our neighbors.

General," said the commander of the delinquent brigade, "I am persuaded that any further display of valor by my troops will bring them into collision with the enemy.

MONARCH, n. A person engaged in reigning. Formerly the monarch ruled, as the derivation of the word attests, and as many subjects have had occasion to learn.

To those who view the voyage of life from the port of departure the bark that has accomplished any considerable distance appears already in close approach to the farther shore.

ZIGZAG, v.t. To move forward uncertainly, from side to side, as one carrying the white man's burden.

Immoral" is the judgment of the stalled ox on the gamboling lamb.

Patriotism: The first resort of a scoundrel.

REACH, n. The radius of action of the human hand. The area within which it is possible (and customary) to gratify directly the propensity to provide.

Along the road of life are many pleasure resorts, but think not that by tarrying in them you will take more days to the journey. The day of your arrival is already recorded.

Don't board with the devil if you wish to be fat.

Happiness has not to all the same name: to Youth she is known as the Future; Age knows her as the Dream.

Kiss. n. A word invented by the poets as a rhyme for "bliss".

Hope is an explorer who surveys the country ahead. That is why we know so much about the Hereafter and so little about the Heretofore.

The creator and arbiter of beauty is the heart; to the male rattlesnake the female rattlesnake is the loveliest thing in nature.

art, n. This word has no definition.

prospect, n. An outlook, usually forbidding. An expectation, usually forbidden.

picture, n. A representation in two dimensions of something wearisome in three.

YANKEE, n. In Europe, an American. In the Northern States of our Union, a New Englander. In the Southern States the word is unknown.

HATRED, n. A sentiment appropriate to the occasion of another's superiority.

Kindness n: A brief preface to ten volumes of exaction.

NON-COMBATANT, n. A dead Quaker.

REDRESS, n. Reparation without satisfaction.

mine, adj. Belonging to me if I can hold or seize it.

actually, adv. Perhaps; possibly.

repose, v.i. To cease from troubling.

CLOSE-FISTED, adj. Unduly desirous of keeping that which many meritorious persons wish to obtain.

adore, v.t. To venerate expectantly.

recollect, v. To recall with additions something not previously known.

PITIFUL, adj. The state of an enemy or opponent after an imaginary encounter with oneself.

PIE, n. An advance agent of the reaper whose name is Indigestion.

Rhubarb: essence of stomach ache.

TABLE D'HOTE, n. A caterer's thrifty concession to the universal passion for irresponsibility.

TRICHINOSIS, n. The pig's reply to proponents of porcophagy.

Rome has seven sacraments, but the Protestant churches, being less prosperous, feel that they can afford only two, and these of inferior sanctity.

Example is better than following it.

Houseless: Having paid all taxes on household goods.