Ambrose Quotes

A chop is a piece of leather skillfully attached to a bone and administered to the patients at restaurants.

Age - That period of life in which we compound for the vices that remain by reviling those we have no longer the vigor to commit.

MULTITUDE, n. A crowd; the source of political wisdom and virtue. In a republic, the object of the statesman's adoration.

JOSS-STICKS- Small sticks burned by the Chinese in their pagan tomfoolery, in imitation of certain sacred rites of our holy religion.

READING, n. The general body of what one reads. In our country it consists, as a rule, of Indiana novels, short stories in "dialect" and humor in slang.

CONSOLATION, n. The knowledge that a better man is more unfortunate than yourself.

POETRY, n. A form of expression peculiar to the Land beyond the Magazines.

Duck-bill, n. Your account at your restaurant during the canvas-back season.

SACRED, adj. Dedicated to some religious purpose; having a divine character; inspiring solemn thoughts or emotions; as... the Cow in India; the Crocodile, the Cat and the Onion of ancient Egypt.

PHYSICIAN, n. One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well.

OBLIVION, n. The state or condition in which the wicked cease from struggling and the dreary are at rest. Fame's eternal dumping ground.

WHANGDEPOOTENAWAH, n. In the Ojibwa tongue, disaster; an unexpected affliction that strikes hard.

SATIRE, n. An obsolete kind of literary composition in which the vices and follies of the author's enemies were expounded with imperfect tenderness.

SPOOKER, n. A writer whose imagination concerns itself with supernatural phenomena, especially in the doings of spooks.

GENEROUS, adj. Originally this word meant noble by birth and was rightly applied to a great multitude of persons. It now means noble by nature and is taking a bit of a rest.

INJUSTICE, n. A burden which of all those that we load upon others and carry ourselves is lightest in the hands and heaviest upon the back.

The Senate is a body of old men charged with high duties and misdemeanors.

Appetite, n. An instinct thoughtfully implanted by Providence as a solution to the labor question.

Adolescence: A stage between infancy and adultery.

An old wine-bibber having been smashed in a railway collision, some wine was poured on his lips to revive him.

The quality that distinguishes love without knowledge.

POLICE, n. An armed force for protection and participation.

APOTHECARY, n. The physician's accomplice, undertaker's benefactor and grave worm's provider

BODY-SNATCHER, n. A robber of grave-worms. One who supplies the young physicians with that with which the old physicians have supplied the undertaker.

DIAPHRAGM, n. A muscular partition separating disorders of the chest from disorders of the bowels.

Intolerance is natural and logical, for in every dissenting opinion lies an assumption of superior wisdom.

You cannot adopt politics as a profession and remain honest.

RECONCILIATION, n. A suspension of hostilities. An armed truce for the purpose of digging up the dead.

RASCALITY, n. Stupidity militant. The activity of a clouded intellect.

PROBOSCIS, n. The rudimentary organ of an elephant which serves him in place of the knife-and-fork that Evolution has as yet denied him. For purposes of humor it is popularly called a trunk.

Uncommon extension of the fear of death.

ILLUSTRIOUS, adj. Suitably placed for the shafts of malice, envy and detraction.

RESPIRATOR, n. An apparatus fitted over the nose and mouth of an inhabitant of London, whereby to filter the visible universe in its passage to the lungs.

PERFECTION, n. An imaginary state of quality distinguished from the actual by an element known as excellence; an attribute of the critic.

Bigot: One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain.

Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth for those of age.

In forgiving an injury be somewhat ceremonious, lest your magnanimity be construed as indifference.

Abscond - to move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another.

The theory of evolution is totally inadequate to explain the origin and manifestation of the inorganic world.

Eisenhower is my choice as the American of the 20th Century. Of all the men I've studied and written about, he is the brightest and the best.

Even before Watergate and his resignation, Nixon had inspired conflicting and passionate emotions.

The Canadians have managed to live peacefully with their Indians. It is disgrace that the United States has not done the same.

American is the first democratic nation-state.

Who today is willing to say that Texas and California and the remainder of the Southwest would be better off if they were governed by Mexico?

Neighbors are far better acoustic analyzers for determining the quality of their life versus any acoustic instrument left unattended by an expert.

American corporations hate to give away money.

To be a slaveholder meant one had to regard the African American as inferior in every way.

Nixon regarded himself as having been cheated by life. He never got my vote.

Washington and Jefferson were both rich Virginia planters, but they were never friends.

The war in Vietnam I thought a dreadful mistake.