You have to fight. You know, you don't want to fight, but you have to fight to make your show your own, to make your voice be heard. You just have to sometimes.

I came back to New York after college like any number of struggling performers, and you just find that niche where you can have some sort of impact. And for me that turned out to be comedy.

I can tell when somebody recognizes me, and I try to avoid those people.

I have a medical condition, all right. It's called caring too much, and it's incurable. Also, I have eczema.

For some reasons, I have WWE wrestlers tweeting me all the time. Like, my biggest fans. Why they can connect with my love for Meryl Streep, I don't know.

If you really think you have something good, you can't take no for an answer. You've got to get in there and ignore the people who say no.

My father and I were really like a team. I mean, he was very supportive. He'd come to every single one of my live shows.

I've had a lot of arguments with people, but it's never really gotten physical.

I'm not a big reality show fan, because I just think it's too fake.

Hotmail just picked up 12 new episodes of 'Judging Amy'.

Difficult People? I don't really know. I don't have those metrics.

That was the end of his driving.. That was the end of his walking free.. That was the end of his privacy.. And that was the end of his secret.

Ethical vegetarians eat only plant-based food in order to show compassion toward animals and other humans and to benefit the planet.

People lie and scam because you are too stupid to understand it.

We make our own truths and lies....Truths are often lies and lies truths.

Our real illiteracy is our inability to create

It never was our guise to slight the poor, or aught humane despise.

I love you. You are my heart beating outside of my chest.

Ah, Signor Halt,' he said uncertainly, 'you are making a joke, yes?' 'He is making a joke, no,' Will said. 'But he likes to think he is making a joke, yes.

I love creepy old dudes. I love that they have so much self-confidence, despite having no evidence whatsoever to back it up.

I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I do know how to count.