Why did so many grown-ups want to be young, she wondered, when it took so long to grow old? It was like going on a million-mile road trip then wanting to turn around without getting out of the car.

Despite my vanity, I fear for my sanity.

Generally speaking, books don't cause much harm. Except when you read them, that is. Then they cause all kinds of problems.

Oh, talking is not so bad as that," said the Jester. "True, most people say only silly things when they speak. But it's easier to ignore them if you're saying silly things yourself.

Only bad books have good endings. If a book is any good, it's ending is always bad - because you don't want the book to end.

Whether it’s chocolate or socks, the rule is the same; the darker the better.

Some secrets are meant to be known- but once known you can never forget them.

Not all novelists are power-hungry madman. Some are power-hungry madwomen.

Truth is only stranger than fiction if you're a stranger to the truth. Which means you're either a liar or you're fictional.

Very little in this world makes sense.

This book will not harm you unless someone throws it at you which is a possibilty never to be discounted.

Never underestimate your power to change yourself

Return to God.

Paleontologists have tried to turn Archaeopteryx into an earth-bound, feathered dinosaur. But it's not. It is a bird, a perching bird. And no amount of 'paleobabble' is going to change that.

The more facts you tell, the more you sell. An advertisement's chance for success invariably increases as the number of pertinent merchandise facts included in the advertisement increases.

You don't have to be peculiar to find God.

If you try to pop the unpopped kernels in the microwave, you go back in time.

I have a longing for fiction - to try to believe in it and to disappear into it.

Easy believeism dishonors the blood and prostitutes the altar. We must alter the altar, for the altar is a place to die on. Let those who will not pay this price leave it alone!

It's a good thing I'm a reasonably patient woman. Otherwise, I might have to kill you.

Nobody is really qualified to be the president. Basically it's an acting job. You have to act like you're the president. And every four years the country holds a big casting call.