The same people who accuse America of coddling dictators are sputtering with bilious fury because we actually deposed one.

We always ask where the time went. We never ask where it's coming from.

I’ll feel that horrible feeling in my stomach you get when you’ve gone over to the Dark Side. But I’ll be fine. That’s the good thing about the Dark Side. Eventually, your eyes adjust.

Genius flames and dies, but amiable competence can live forever.

The newspaper is a lecture. The Web is a conversation.

I don't believe in the very concept of "first thing in the morning." I'm a "third thing in the afternoon" fellow.

Calculus destroys self-esteem on contact.

If Mother had to be told not to shove the entire brick of Ivory up Junior's hindquarters, constipation is the least of his problems.

There are three stages to a man's life. 1. He laughs at Clark Griswold. 2. He sympathizes deeply with Clark Griswold. 3. He laughs at Clark Griswold.

All you need to know about Arafat was that he insisted on wearing a pistol when he addressed the UN General Assembly. And all you need to know about the UN, I suppose, is that they let him.

I want to believe in intelligent design, and hence I am suspicious of anything that seems to confirm my desire to believe.

The truth was...he was in love with her. Totally over-the-line, no-going-back, not-even-dead-would-he-part kind of shit.

Only those who spend long times with themselves can touch the depths of life!

Marriage doesn't put an end to one's ability to serve God and bring him glory. In fact, I've seen many married couples who have done more for God together than was possible as individuals.

Truly being authentic is knowing what matters to you, on the deepest level of who you are, and committing always to act from that authentic center.

I only use a camera like I use a toothbrush. It does the job.

I think the older I get, the less I should be doing.

He was trying to tell me something.' Derek snorted. 'Aren’t they all? Must be a rule in the ghost handbook—if in danger of evaporating, make sure you’re in the middle of a dire pronouncement.

If you're waiting with God, waiting is okay. If you're always waiting on God, you'll be frustrated. God never seems to work at the speed that we want Him to.

Beauty is not a concept. It is the animal joy of the mind.

People have been so busy relating to how I look, it's a miracle I didn't become a self-conscious blob of protoplasm.