One of the most annoying habits of liberals is their tendency to confuse their political agenda with moral virtue.

Offend a Christian and he is obliged to pray for your salvation. Offend a Muslim and he is obliged to murder you.

When I said that the mentally ill should be in institutions, public universities weren't the kind of institutions I had in mind.

Writing is a skill, not a talent, and this difference is important because a skill can be improved by practice.

Envy is the root of the egalitarian ethos.

One of the easiest things in the world to do is to tell other people how to raise their children. This is especially easy if you have no children of your own.

Idle minds are the devil's research-and-development department.

Having daughters tends to help a guy get in touch with his inner social conservative.

Never live life without a hope.

Writing in the dark is hard, but you have to light your own candle and do it anyway.

Knowledge is a priceless gift of enlightenment

If we don't have time for masterpiece moments, the very reason we came to earth is being wasted on us.

Enlightenment is, in the end, nothing more than the natural state of being.

I think you've got to have a depth, a deeper depth to take stand-up into acting, but I think it really helps you as a stand-up to home into different characters and stuff easily.

If Ricky Schroder and Gary Coleman had a fight on television with pool cues, who would win? 1) Ricky Schroder 2) Gary Coleman 3) The television viewing public

At the end of the day, you know, love does not happen between two perfect people as much as we would wish.

Let's sum up: an unknown number of enemies with unknown capabilities, supported by a gang of madmen, packs of attack animals, and superhumanly intelligent pocket change.

I'm glad folks think I look different, I'm living a different, happy, more fulfilling life, and I'm thrilled that perhaps it shows.