Nobody stopped believing that other people were more guilty than they were. Why do people have so much trouble seeing their own faults but such an easy time seeing everyone else's?

If you can understand human behavior, it can’t hurt you nearly as much.

It's fine to be insane as long as you keep it to yourself.

You're in my personal space, so get out of it.

People will do and think whatever it is they have to in order to survive.

My belief in ghosts swings with the wind. But my belief that the cemetery felt happy and not sad-I've never changed my mind about that.

You can never see a plant grow, but they do.

People love to see you get ahead — so long as you don't get farther ahead than they are.

You're supposed to be kind to everyone, because you never know when you're meeting an angel.

Things don't have to be sane when they're normal.

If people knew who the angels were, they would be very nice when they saw one and would still do their same evil garbage when they thought none were around. Knowing who they are defeats the purpose.

He's got a chloroform-soaked rag in one hand, and before Judy realizes what's happening, the dude is all over her like fat on cheese.

I can always call on God, in time, in where.

The world is in me and you are not even in the world yet.

Governments are the deadliest terrorist organizations that have ever existed if body count means anything.

Bless this highly nutritious microwavable macaroni and cheese dinner and the people who sold it on sale. Amen.

We need one strong hombre or hombre-ette, and I'm the hombre-ette to go and stand for you in Washington DC.

I'm afraid we live at the mercy of a power, maybe a God, without mercy. And yet we find it, as I have, from others.

You cannot wait for someone to save you, to help you, to complete you. No one can complete you. You complete yourself.

I make it a point of honour to have a couple of gnomes in my garden as silent testimony to the right of gnome-lovers everywhere to do their own thing without fear of snide remarks.

Honestly, I'm just trying to do the best I can with every opportunity I'm given, and when I'm given the opportunities make the most of them.