My daughter wanted a new pair of trainers. I told her You're eleven, make your own!

Marriage is like the witness protection programme: you get all new clothes, you live in the suburbs, and you're not allowed to see your friends anymore.

It seems a shallow observation, but... the Tory Conference are not an attractive lot, are they? I mean, if all those people were born in the same village, you'd blame pollution, wouldn't you?

The Afghan War has clearly reached a stage similar to that moment at your child's party where you realise you've forgotten to give the other parents a pick up time.

The only way you can ever accuse a Conservative of hypocrisy is if they walk past a homeless person without kicking him in the face.

You can inherit male-pattern baldness from your mother's father, but not a tendency to fight in the First World War.

Northern Ireland is part of Ireland, not Britain, as can clearly be seen from aerial photographs.

Most harm is done by people who are awake.

Capitalism is a great idea in theory, but in practice it just doesn't work.

Why don't people just accept that life is sad and cheer up? After all, it's not going to last for ever.

If you just took everyone in the BNP and everyone who votes for them and shot them in the back of the head, there would be a brighter future for us all.

At a time India was known as golden bird because of its huge amount of gold assets. Let's make India once again the same golden bird full of innovation and technology.

Listen, no part of me is more definitive of who I am than my brain.

There is a lot of extreme emotion in Korean film. It's because there are a lot of extremes in Korean society.

What the joke displays is a switch in perception. This is important in changing the way we think.

I think with my hands. I design things to be touched-not for a museum. A piece is ready when it has the shape of something to cherish.

Well," he sighed to no one in particular, and looked up into yet another alien sky. "Here we are again.

I found once you start writing about God it's really fun. It's like a rock singer saying "baby." "Baby, baby, baaayy-by." You start saying "God" on the page and you don't want to stop.

Men should never marry their muse. It ruins the illusion.

I want to take my girls home.

I'm kind of jealous of the life I'm supposedly leading.