If you consider the contribution of plumbing to human life, the other sciences fade into insignificance.

A dog's idea of personal grooming is to roll on a dead fish.

Cats are the ultimate narcissists. You can tell this because of all the time they spend on personal grooming. Dogs aren't like this. dog's idea of personal grooming is to roll in a dead fish.

Never offer unsolicited advice. The receiver might not know that you are smarter than him.

A conservative is a man who will not look at the new moon out of respect for that "ancient institution " the old one.

Well, the first thing is that I love monsters, I identify with monsters.

Many baseball fans look upon an umpire as a sort of necessary evil to the luxury of baseball, like the odor that follows an automobile.

Everything will be art and nothing will be art, because everything, as I believe, already is.

Where fashion in clothes, bodily adornment, and music are concerned, it is the underclass that increasingly sets the pace. Never before has there been so much downward cultural aspiration.

There is one statesman of the present day, of whom I always say that he would have escaped making the blunders that he has made if he had only ridden more in buses.

Everything has an end, if only you live long enough to see it.

I remember when I was in my late teens just getting rid of lots of records, realizing I only ever listened to them when I was reading, or watching TV, or doing something else.

To err is human, but when the eraser wears out ahead of the pencil, you're overdoing it.