If you are in hard times, ask yourself: “What would this problem and my life mean to people two hundred years from now?

Laugh every day for five minutes, without any reason, then repeat it for 21 days straight and it will become your habit to do.

What would a Mohammedan vampire do if faced with a cross?

I’d rather straighten my pubes with a flat iron than go on another blind date.

Honor bright! Fair play is a jewel!

Nothing is good for everyone, but only relatively to some people.

No matter what you do, you can never please everyone. And that was the hardest lesson to learn. In fact, I'm still learning it.

If you grow up in a home where actions don't lead to predictable consequences, you don't develop strategies to control your impulses.

History has scarcely deigned to notice [Libius Severus's] birth, his elevation, his character, or his death.

Prayer is the fruit of joy and thankfulness.

There is nothing so strange and so unbelievable that it has not been said by one philosopher or another.

Liberals, communists, socialists, look at people as workers. They look at 'em as ants, worker ants, worker bees and so forth, and they just plug 'em in to do jobs that need to be done.