If I wanted to be president, and if I were ever serious about it, the biggest thing I would have going for me is that I'm a conservative.

If Thomas Jefferson thought taxation without representation was bad, he should see how it is with representation.

Poverty is not the root cause of crime.

Liberals attempt through judicial activism what they cannot win at the ballot box.

We're not sexists, we're chauvinists - we're male chauvinist pigs, and we're happy to be because we think that's what men were destined to be. We think that's what women want.

End results that work that don’t involve government threaten liberals.

You know why there's a Second Amendment? In case the government fails to follow the first one.

Styrofoam and plastic milk jugs are biodegradable! Do you know what isn't biodegradable? Paper!

I think cigars are just a tremendous addition to the enjoyment of life.

The NAACP should have riot rehearsal. They should get a liquor store and practice robberies.

In a country of children where the option is Santa Claus or work, what wins?

The only thing I know about me is that it is you.

In this world, it is not worth finding anyone’s faults. One becomes bound (by karma) by finding faults.

Love is the magician of the universe. It creates everything out of nothing.

As for how I feel about any success I've had, I just feel extremely lucky. Writing is a tough racket, and there are a lot of writers out there better than me who can't seem to catch a break.

We're right now the highest-taxed nation in the world.

We sat in silence, both of us looking up at the stars. He was probably envisioning a machine headed for Pluto. I wished i was on that machine.

Passion, that thing of beauty, that flowering without roots, has to be born, live and die without reason.

If in winning we only draw we would be fine.

Pop music is not a threatening style of music.

Oh, lighten up, Clark. I'm the one having scalding hot air directed at my genitals.