I will do my best to entertain. That's what I am: an entertainer.

The ideal man doesn't exist. A husband is easier to find.

I would make a poor vegetarian because I adore meat.

I was so beautiful but I didn't realise it for years. I saw pictures of myself and even I was stunned.

I'm very organised these days, and I keep my life in my handbag, like most women.

I am as far from a hypochondriac as you could ever be.

I met Peter Sellers when I was 21 and we got married ten days later. He was not right mentally, but I hung in there for four years before I left.

I spend hours mowing the lawn in absolutely straight lines on my tractor. If it's not right, I do it again.

I am good at down grading - I have found I can live the same lifestyle in a two-bedroom apartment as in a five-bedroom house.

I used to collect vintage clothing - exquisite lace dresses, embroidered shawls and ornate jewelry - but that's just not me any more.

I say I don't sleep with married men, but what I mean is that I don't sleep with happily married men.

I would alter nothing of the journey made for it is in this road travelled that the sweetest of lessons are learnt.

Humankind is but the pieces in a game, plastic soldiers waging war between boy gods.

The unique character of political activity lies, quite literally, in its publicity.

More than a billion people lack adequate access to clean water.

A public library is the most democratic thing in the world. What can be found there has undone dictators and tyrants.

A woman, especially, if she have the misfortune of knowing anything, should conceal it as well as she can.

Love, your own witch-daughter, Queen of the Mirror and the Highest Protector of Irony

My only ambition in life . . . is to wear size 28 jeans.

You sounded like someone who should be singing on a cruise ship. Halfway through your song, I wished the ship was sinking.

In the time of darkest defeat, victory may be nearest.