I've always liked Richard Pryor. I've always responded to rhythmic profanity.

Once you use a toothbrush to clean a pencil sharpener, you should no longer use it to clean your teeth.

Just because something makes you smile or laugh ... doesn't mean it's a joke.

I don't even drink Coke. It tastes like robot sweat.

I like to do things that are new, where I feel the sense of discovery.

I wanted to get paid to sharpen pencils originally just because I thought it would be fun.

I felt really conflicted about making money off stuff that's creatively satisfying.

The way you make money is to do something you don't like to do. And that's how you know you're a virtuous person.

Everyone has pencils in their house, no matter how hip and contemporary they are.

It would be amazing to tell my grandchildren, like, 'Yeah, I was paid to sharpen 1,000 pencils.'

The type of pop culture that is honestly very moving and powerful to me is [when artists] do their homework. They make it real.

Stop rejecting that unique pathway that was designed exclusively for you. Embrace your destiny, respect yourself and love others.

To become a pious saint, experience first as as a ruthless killer.

He gave me a small, secretive smile, a smile that said he knew many things but couldn’t share them all at once.

Either give it your all or don't even try!

Excellence is not a destination; it is a continuous journey that never ends.

Then Lee Trevino and Jack Nicklaus come in. I'll caddie for Jack.

That which makes the vanity of others unbearable to us is that which wounds our own.

The sign of a great Master is his ability to win a won game quickly and painlessly

Meltdown when we get home. Mom keeps chocolate for meltdowns. Daddy always has them when Uncle Jonas visits." -David Lyons from Tanner's Scheme-

We are entertainers. We're trying to entertain people.