I used to look at these pictures of trumpeters pointing their instrument to the ceiling. Stunning pictures, but if you play the trumpet and point it upwards, all the spit comes back into your mouth!

An uncle gave me a side drum and my mother decided I should have lessons.

I started on the fringes of journalism as a cartoonist on The Daily Mail.

The history of popular music is littered with great partnerships. Rodgers had his Hammerstein, Lennon had his McCartney, and Lloyd Webber had... his photocopier.

Coincidence is a wonderful thing.

Now it's time to play a brand new game called Name That Barcode. Here's the first one: "Thick black, thin white, thick black, thick white, thick black, thin white." OK who's going to identify that?

I know writers who use subtext, and they're all cowards.

The future of the airlines lay in hauling people, not in hauling mail for the government.

It's not the honors and not the titles and not the power that is of ultimate importance. It's what resides inside.

Being wise doth either make men our friends or discourage them from being our enemies.

There is no greater challenge than to have someone relying upon you; no greater satisfaction than to vindicate his expectation.

Most writers are not quick-witted when they talk. Novelists, in particular, drag themselves around in society like gut-shot bears.

Many attempt to harvest what was never planted.

The best test of whether someone is extremely stupid (or extremely wise) is whether financial and political news makes sense to him.

I am determined to enjoy each day to the fullest. I don't want to wish away Christmas. I want to enjoy these last moments of Advent and look forward to Jesus's birth with anticipation.

I think people are interested in anything that's a little bigger than life and that's colorful and - you know, what they like? They like fairy tales for grownups.