I strapped an MP3 player to one of those floor-cleaning robots. Call him DJ Roomba - little guy cruises around and plays music. What's hot, DJ Roomba!

I just didn’t want to be pigeonholed as an 'ethnic comic' or an 'Asian comic.' I just wanted to be on the same playing field as everyone else.

Sometimes you gotta work a little, so you can ball a lot.

I'm an optimist - I feel like an amazing part of life is that at any moment.

I like going out and I like being single, but a growing part of me would rather just stay home, cook food with someone I really like, and do nothing.

Regardless of your ethnicity or anything, if you do great work, people will notice and you'll get hired.

Do you realize how much better the world would be if we all just treated each other the same way black dudes treat magicians?

I spend so much time on the Internet...I feel like I'm a million pages into the worst book ever, and I'm never going to stop reading.

One of the big things I miss about New York is not my friends so much; it's Shake Shack, the burger place. I miss Shake Shack.

You’re a feminist if you go to a Jay Z and Beyoncé concert, and you’re not like, ‘Mmm, I feel like Beyoncé should get 23 percent less money than Jay Z'.

I have never taken the high road, but I tell other people to 'cause then there's more room for me on the low road.

Files of the past can be changed through shock, encouragement or pain

Woman wants control, man self-control .

Dare not to surrender your faith to your trials and tribulations, they only come to strengthen your mind for your future challenges and obstacles.

Computers have cut-and-paste functions. So does right-wing historical memory.

Even limited military actions end up carrying with them great costs and unintended consequences.

The best thing about sports is the sense of community and shared emotion it can create.

No compulsion in the world is stronger than the urge to edit someone else's document.

If I were a piano player, I'd play it in the goddam closet.

when we're married, can we go to the ocean? I've never been

Even if you're playing Brahms or a Beethoven concerto, you've got to have a different vantage point, slightly, each time.