I’m sort of known in the comedy community as “Smooth Sailing,” just ’cause everything always goes great. I’ve always had success at every turn.

For the most part, people don't know who I am.

What one person might see as violent, someone else may see as beautiful. Maybe even art.

Changing the world, one exclamation point at a time.

I suppose we all have a lil' inner or outer a-hole inside of us, just waiting for the right opportunity to rear their own beautiful buttholes.

I didn't necessarily set out to think of a show to make fun of reality shows.

For me, it feels like my ideas are more specific to random thoughts or single ideas I might have, as opposed to being influenced by a general perception of absurdity.

There were plenty of times some writers would make some kind of stupid joke to each other and then it was on TV that night or that week.

Ground the main character in stupidity. Hire a good cast and a good crew.

It's always been about when I do theater, the audience is just a viewer, not taking part in what's onstage. Whereas if you're doing stand-up, it's inclusive.

If you're doing stand-up, there is no fourth wall; you're engaging an audience.

I acknowledged that God is the sovereign Lord and I gave myself up completely. I guess it’s a little bit like committing suicide, only with a higher purpose.

Bad things bring out the real you

What good literature can do and does do—far greater than any importation of morality—is touch the human soul.

You should open these doors with care and caution-but, first, you must know how to close them. And above all, you must know which doors should be left unopened...

If I had wings I would fly, I'd soar on high where only eagles dareI'd let them rip, I'd let them tear, until all that remained was me bare.

I just want to show the fans my big smile and play the game that I love.

My massive motivation in life is to make parents proud. But even that has to stop at a point.

It is the function of the President, representing the executive principle, to execute the laws.

People like to complain about the state of contemporary literature, but I can only assume they don't read it very widely.

Carving is easy, you just go down to the skin and stop.