I love the way my weight fluctuates in the newspapers. It was 18 stone and then people look at a bad picture of me and add a few more stone on. I think the highest was 22 stone.

There's a domino effect with certain things you say.

I'm getting positive feedback for my acting so we'll see if any other interesting parts come up.

It is easy for me to love myself, but for ladies to do it is another question altogether.

We had a week off in the middle of shooting, but as soon as everyone stopped, we all went down with six different types of flu and other unmentionable diseases.

With stand-up you've just got that one chance. Audiences can be quite fickle.

My forte is playing drunks down the ages. When my agent rings me about a role, I don't ask what the part is, but what century it's in.

I used to be good with kids, but as I get older, I'm grumpy and terrible with them. As for doing a gig at a 6-year old's birthday party, you couldn't pay me enough.

When I wasn't as attractive as I am now, I suffered at the hands of cruel children and their taunts until I realised that confidence and a bit of aesthetic care can overcome that.

They look outside the windows of their apartment in town and realize they're not living in a terrace anymore. This is a room full of dreamers who like to go to London for a day.

I always feel like an interloper when I do serious drama. It's my own paranoia.

Conversations between friends are the craziest and funniest of all.

Be the help you seek from others.

You're not supposed to be so blind with patriotism that you can't face reality. Wrong is wrong, no matter who says it.

Never sign a valentine with your own name.

I never lose sight of the fact that before I was a writer, I was a teacher. I still am. My classroom's just gotten a little bigger.

It pleases our heavenly Father when we acknowledge and confess to Him our inability to run our own lives. That is what we are doing when we say, "Father, help me! I need You!"

We must empty purgatory with our prayers.

I wanted to see if you could put a prototype radio station on the Internet so you wouldnt have to invest $50 million or $100 million or $150 million to buy a transmitter and a frequency.

Genre labels are useful only insofar as they help you find an audience.