Hillary Clinton asks her supporters to recite a three-word loyalty pledge. It reads: "I'm with her." I choose to recite a different pledge. My pledge reads: "I'm with you, the American people."

Nothing is easy, but who wants nothing?

There's nobody bigger or better at the military than I am.

I am the only one who can make America truly great again!

Sometimes by losing a battle you find a new way to win the war.

Don’t be afraid of being unique. It’s like being afraid of your best self.

I could stand in the middle Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody, and I wouldn't lose any voters.

If you're going to be thinking anyway, think big!

Always try to learn from other people's mistakes, not your own- it is much cheaper that way!

Do you mind if I sit back a little? Because your breath is very bad.

This very expensive GLOBAL WARMING bullshit has got to stop. Our planet is freezing, record low temps,and our GW scientists are stuck in ice.

To love God with all our heart, soul, and mind, and our neighbor as ourself.

And to those who would choose the safety of inaction over the danger of taking a stand, I have this to say:You bloody cowards. May you have the world that you deserve.

The apostle of Christianity and the infidel can meet without a chance of a quarrel; but it is never safe to bring together two men who differ about a saint or a surplice.

In teaching there should be no distinction of classes.

When I am kicking around show ideas, or really any idea, usually an image comes to me. I don't really start with a character or a logline like, "What if the electricity turned off?"

When it comes to stand-up, people feel this need to voice their objection through groaning or being offended. It's really irritating... I mean I love what I do, but that's the irritating side of it.

You kissed me because you were awfully nice and I was awfully nice and we both liked kissing very much. It was inevitable.

The one thing about Billie is he will snap and rip your head off if you point anything out at all other than how beautiful he is and how nice he looks today.

There is a little good in all evil.