After a geological epoch passed in which single-celled organisms evolved into talk show hosts, Mr. Coffee was still holding out on me.

You can't fix stupid, but you can numb it was a 2 by 4.--T-SHIRT

I stop fighting my inner demons. We're on the same side now. T-shirt

We're like the Three Musketeers, searching for truth and justice and the American way.: Glitch snorted. "More like the Three Blind Mice, stumbling around trying to find a hunk of cheese in the dark.

I went down like a drunken cowgirl trying to line dance to Metallica.

There is a great need for a sarcasm font.

Reyes Farrow. Because perfection is a dirty job, but someone has to do it.

I totally should've gone to Hogwarts when I had the chance.

I lowered the gun but didn’t holster it. Not just yet. She could turn out to be psychotic. Or a door-to-door salesperson.

I meant to behave. There were just too many other options.--T-SHIRT

Chocolate and coffee ? Together ? Whoever came up with that combination should have won a Nobel Peace Prize. Or at least a subscription to Reader's Digest.

The great source of both the misery and disorders of human life, seems to arise from over-rating the difference between one permanent situation and another...

Life without caution is like a car without brake.

Don't complain it's too cold now if you also intend to whine about how hot it is when summer comes. It's just hypocritical.

His smile is like the silver plate on a coffin.

We are all linked by a fabric of unseen connections. This fabric is constantly changing and evolving. This field is directly structured and influenced by our behavior and by our understanding.

Every American president, regardless of party, has said that America has an intense interest in a peaceful resolution. And I think it should be left at that.

I pick things up in different cities, so my wardrobe is kind of a souvenir chest.

He looked down and did something quite out of character for him: he took hold of Shmuel's tiny hand in his and squeezed it tightly. "You're my best friend, Shmuel," he said. "My best friend for life.

We must stop Saddam from ever again jeopardizing the stability and security of his neighbors with weapons of mass destruction.

I was blessed with good genetics, but my essence is very happy and warm and I don’t take my job too seriously. I’m not saving lives here.