So Funny Quotes
Marry me, he says. I got all my own teeth, I wash twice a year an I'll cut you in fer half the business here.
A lot of people ask me if I were shipwrecked, and could have only one book, what would it be? I always say, "How to Build a Boat.
The lampshade on my head is for my bright ideas. I won't be able to convey them until Monday, when my curtain gets out of the dry cleaners.
Angelina leaned forward as Sara pulled Miki back to her, "You know what they say about curiosity? That it stabbed the annoying biker girl over and over and over again until she spit up blood.
Your level of neuroses will only find love in a made-for-TV movie.
No one messes around with a nerd’s computer and escapes unscathed.
Home is where, when you go there and tell people to get out, they have to leave.
They said I was a valued customer, now they send me hate mail.
Some stories have to be written because no one would believe the absurdity of it all.
You look angry, " he said."You put me on hold.""For a very good reason.""You put me, " she said very, very slowly, "on hold.
If an apology is followed by an excuse or a reason, it means they are going to commit same mistake again they just apologized for.
Intelligence is more important than strength, that is why earth is ruled by men and not by animals.
When you are angry try your best to go to sleep, it keeps you away from speaking, writing and thinking while you are angry.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away.' But eating too many, is quite enough-plenty. And you'll have to go see the good doc anyway.
If one million of you give assent to the one thousand who participate in the murder of a child, then one million of you are a million times guilty.
If one thousand of you participate in the murder of one child, then one thousand of you are a thousand times guilty.
Good man and bad man with money goes a long ways." ~ Amunhotep El Bey
i realize you cant just throw real gems at ppl...because they think cubic zirconia is the real thing lol
It would actually constitute more than a miracle, he realised. It would take divine intervention plus luck, plus some unknown element of cosmic wizardry.
To some believers, being on the pill or using a condom is a nonverbal way of telling God to go to hell.
It is not really hard to do nothing. Many can. The hard part is doing nothing without feeling guilty about it.
GPS has saved countless relationships because us men do not like to ask for directions. Now if women could only come with relationship GPS we would be one step closer to world peace.
Being rich or famous is the only profound thing that some people have ever said.
I'm a happy person. If you want to be around me, you can either choose to be happy too, or follow the signs to the nearest exit!
Pure joy is rare. That’s why for every meal I eat a really bloody steak.
I'm not everyone's cup of tea, because I'm a kick butt cappuccino with extra milk fluff and chocolate sprinkles!
Don't worry if you've been labeled as weird. Who wants to be classed as normal in an insane world?
For a sane person to sincerely be happy that someone has succeeded, they have to either be profiting or likely to profit from that person’s success, or be that person.
It's a funny thing about life, once you begin to take note of the things you are grateful for, you begin to lose sight of the things that you lack.
They that be born in the strength of youth are of one fashion, and they that are born in the time of age, when the womb fail, are otherwise.
Seeing thou hast now given me the way, I will proceed to speak before thee: for our mother, of whom thou hast told me that she is young, draw now nigh unto age.
Like as a young child may not bring forth the things that belong to the aged, even so have I disposed the world which I created.
