So Funny Quotes

Nothing like having a warrant for your execution to get a girl motivated.

He'd barely seen me coming, and despite the horribleness of what I'd just done, I kind of wished one of my instructors had been there to grade me on such an awesome performance.

I like stepping into the future. Therefore, I look for doorknobs.

Careful with the accusations of insanity, oh my lady whose home is a tower with windows of brick, all for the sake of some skinny-ankled, laugh-prone boy of a khan.

When Eve ate the apple her knowledge increased. But God liked dumb women so Paradise ceased. Gwen Goodnight. Her Work.

What kind of person doesn't let you have gummi bears?

I watch the Eruptions. Mount Dad, long dormant, now considered armed and dangerous. Mount Saint Mom, oozing lava, spitting flame. Warn the villagers to run into the sea.

He would have shaved the centaurs, dipped them in honey, covered them with feathers, and hung them up like a bunch of pinatas. I'm just saying." - Warren

He bombarded me with words, of all things, apparently clueless to the fact that the predawn hours rendered me incapable of coherent thought.

And when demigods use cell phones, the signals agitate every monster within a hundred miles. It's like sending up a flare: Here I am! Please rearrange my face!

There had to be a circle of Hell where you were eternally fourteen, eternally in junior high. One of the lower circles.

Don’t lick the guests, darling. Bad manners.

I had died and woken up in High School Musical

He thinks things through too much.

You’re far too prickly tempered to be a mistress. You’re far better suited as a wife.

Every time you try to flirt with her, a puppy dies.

I also don't trust Caribou anymore. They're out there, on the tundra, waiting... Something's going down. I'm right about this.

And my piece of advice is...don't flirt with any of the female instructors. They all have access to weapons bigger than yours.

It's rude to stare, but the great thing about staring at a sedated person is that they don't know you're doing it.

And it's really very difficult to kill someone when all your inner instincts would oblige you to take off your hat first!

There wasn't a lot of bullshit in my heaven.

I sometimes give myself excellent advice. Occasionally, I even listen to it.

For the first time in my life, I was in a shoot-out. A real, honest-to-goodness shoot-out with a bad guy. And, apparently, we both sucked.

All of my best friends are dead people. Someday I've got to figure out how that happened.

No, no. Don't make that face. Every time I propose to you, you make that twisty, unhappy face. It wears on a man's confidence.

You are the Energizer Bunny for badasses. -Ash

Foul!" yelled Jamie, who seemed extremely happy not to be the one facing a blade. "Distracting technique! Put your shirt back on right now.

If the Lord hasn't got a boyfriend lined up for me to marry, that's his business.

Are you ever going to kiss me without swearing first?

I lost my balance when the train pulled away, but a human crumple zone buffered my fall. We stayed like that, half fallen. Diagonal People.

You know how teachers tell you the magic word is 'please'? That's not true. The magic word is 'puke'. It will get you out of class faster than anything else.

The guy thought he was Mick Jagger. I felt bad for him.

Have you ever started to wave at someone and then realized they weren’t really waving at you, so you abort and go for a head scratch instead? That’s how I felt.

Some people were just getting on with their lives, chatting, being young. It simply wouldn't do.

I'd like to thank readers. Every time you open a book, it is a strike against ignorance. Unless you're reading Sarah Palin.

No headboards were broken.

They really hate you, yes they do. They hate everyone, how 'bout you?

I expect what you're not aware of would fill several books, Dursely.

Sam gave Captain Suicide a droll stare. "How did you die again? Oh wait, I know this. 'I can take 'em. I don't need to wait for reinforcements. I can do it myself.' How'd that work out for you again?

Forgive me....I called you an idiot. I spoke too hastily. You are not. Had I given it more thought, I would have called you a scoundrel.

She's Prim's size in diameter.

Most aspects of my training didn’t agree with me. There wasn’t as much bossing around as I’d hoped for, and there was way too much following orders.

And who are you supposed to be? the King of snot-nosed delinquents?

That really was NOT fun, though. Well, the hitting-her-with-a-stick part, that was fun. But crashing into a concrete bear? NOT fun.

The thought of being with Shay Wilder makes me want to gouge my eyes out with a butter knife

Shouts of dismay rose as the red flesh splattered against the table. It was only a tomato, but one would think I was pulping a decaying heart by the noise the big, strong FIB officers were making.

We must, we must, we must increase our bust.

Once upon a time, fairy tales were AWESOME!

(Sookie's Thoughts on Debbie Pelt) she had been cruel to Alcide, insulted me grievously, burned a hole in my favorite wrap and—oh—tried to kill me by proxy. Also, she had stupid hair.

Blackmailers never explain their thinking. They're like pirates that way. Dark-hearted, dangerous--- and cool like Johnny Depp.