Humour Quotes

And then, despite the fact that A. J. does not believe in God, he closes his eyes and thanks whomever, the higher power, with all his porcupine heart.

Your wolf is eating that man. I thought you should know.

I dream of books!

I don't know any sad songs. Except for the funny ones.

I did not throw 'The Shepherd Boy Sings in the Valley of Humiliation' at the audience. I threw it at the elocution mistress. I meant to cast it at her feet, but I missed.

Some mistakes are worse than others: wearing your underwear inside out isn’t as uncomfortable as wearing it back to front.

Shit, I have already read this....

Every single living thing is food to at least one living thing.

You talk like we're in open warfare." "Aren't we?" The man blew on his tea. "You're pointing a gun at something." "I'm annoyed.

Liers cannot be lied to because they know everything can be a lie.

The pressures of business relationships: so I tell the guy I usually have my tea time at 10 o’clock every morning. He calls me at noon (very upset) because I didn’t meet him on the golf course.

What is Gornite? Why can't you heat it? Will it make you laugh? - I hope so

Oh, good. Okay, I'd like to get more sleep before I have to figure out how we find a Sith Lord in Washington.

What a beautiful day to go to hell

I stifled a yawn. "It's too early to be such an asshat, Daniel.

You can’t spell American without “I can.

Peabody pursed her lips. "You're really mean today." "Yes. Yes, I am." Eve took a deep gulp of hideous air, and smiled. "I feel good about that.

I stifled a yawn. "It's too early to be such an asshat Daniel.

Our parents would not be ‘The best parents in the world’ (to us) if they were not our parents.

It is a sign of immaturity to believe that being older than someone (automatically) makes you more (mentally) mature than them.

There's our excuse... we'll blame everything on the round-headed kid!

Stolen oranges also have Vitamin C. Likewise, a stolen salmon, too, has omega-3 fatty acids.

You're upset, you're cold, and you're wet, wouldn't you rather discuss all this over a pot of hot tea?" Yes, but I wasn't going to say so.

What is this place?’‘Heaven.’ She laughed, ‘with better drinks!

So a good man can be a bad Christian?""I suppose so.""Then a bad man, " I said, "can be a good Christian?

Here! Turn left, I know a short cut through Barons Court."We spend the next twenty minutes mired in roadworks in Barons Court with a bunch of other people who know Edie's short cut.

I flinch. Maybe you have to be male to understanding that castration can't be reduced to finger-scissors and some onomatopoeia.

And at that moment the alligators burst into the room.

After all, there was something rather pleasant in knowing that you were misunderstood. It made you feel different from everyone else.

Okay, so how does this work exactly?" I ask as we walk toward his car. "Do we float down the bayou in rowboat while little critters sing 'Kiss the Girl'.

The real purpose of the opposition is to minimize the amount of money the ruling party will have stolen from the people at the end of its term.

To whomever swapped my tattoo cream for toothpaste........ well played.

A deep breath is a technique with which we minimize the number of instances where we say what we do not mean … or what we really think.

Get away from me, ” she cried. “What are you?” “Death, ” Lok answered menacingly. Brooke looked at him in horror. “Haha, just kidding.

She thinks I'm a hussy, ' thought Scarlett. 'And perhaps she's right at that!

Even choosing the perfect dinner wine loses its earth-shattering importance if your guests happen to be cannibals, and you, the unsuspecting entree.

Quiet, � she hissed at me, her voice shockingly aggressive for such a small person. “Otherwise, I’ll shut you up myself.

Of course they were eaten, � he retorted, his eyes flashing in cold humour. “Trolls generally aren’t exactly renowned for being vegetarians.

The hardest part about walking away from someone is the part where you realize that, no matter how slowly you go, they will never run after you.

If an Artist falls in love with you, you will live forever.

If I was meant to be controlled, I would have come with a remote.

If ur laptop doesnt smell like fire then ur losing.

I'm the G when you spell OG

We didn't do anything illegal, All we ever did was be black.. #BlackLivesMatter

We are, or rather our natural desire to evade pain and to attain pleasure is, the primary reason we do or say every single thing we do or say.

Can we just be grateful for beauty & joy, fascination & tolerance, humour & love, nature & grace, and simply release any anger and pains?

Men (who cheat) do not cheat because they are dogs. They are (regarded as) dogs because they cheat.

Divorce is not always a doorway to happiness. The same can be said about marriage.

In many cases, it was the woman’s stomach—not her heart—that fell for her man.

In some cases, it is the woman’s stomach—not her heart—that has left her man for another.