Humorous Quotes
You know what people are doing on the other side of the world, what’s happening on another planet, but not what’s going on inside the person next to you.
We put our flags in soil when we arrive, as if it now belongs to us and we know where we are.
Intelligence is being intelligent enough to know you're not so intelligent as you intelligently once thought.
A writing day is like any other day. Except I live in my pajamas, I forget to eat, and I suddenly look up, wondering when day turned into night.
Forgive my asking you to use your mind. It is a thing which no novelist should expect of his reader...
- You gave me a dead frog for my birthday!- To remind you we all die and end up rotting underground eaten by maggots so we should enjoy our birthdays while we have them. I found it thoughtful.
To God I speak Spanish, to women Italian, to men French, and to my horse - German.
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.
Sam was waiting for her, his gaze sweeping over her. "Looks great." "I look like a geek, " Lucy said. "I smell like a brewery. And I need a bra.""My dream date.
Assisted him? Dylan made the repairs. I only fell and hit my head, from what I can recall. Yes, I make excellent deadweight.
That's all you need? Easy. I love you.Okay? Want it louder?I love you. Spell it out schould I l-o-v-e y-o-u. Want it backwards You love I.
Are you aware that Jesus Christ can spell? I get so tired of you spelling every slang and cuss word that crosses your mind, as though you are pulling one over on the Lord.
Pop music is like an auditory cup of coffee. It has no nutritional value but it gets you going.
Mister if you want more to join, ’ She said half-choked ‘you’ll have to put in the coin.
Said Opie Read to E.P. Roe, "How do you like Gaboriau?""I like him very much indeed!"Said E.P. Roe to Opie Read.
Charity turned over and hugged the pillow, a quote from Newton making her smile. Sleeping late was really more scientific than working out. After all, a body at rest tends to remain at rest.
I am a negative person by nature, and I typically shy away from anything that requires me to be having visible fun.
If being ugly was a crime, they'd be hunting that woman down with helicopters and bloodhounds.
Having plans sounds like a good idea - until you have to put on clothes and leave your house.
Victory! Catherine wanted to pull the front of her top over her head and run around the office making V-signs. Of course she wouldn’t do that
I remember watching him perform these endless, boring violin solos, with his long hair flowing behind him like an Afghan hound in a gale, and thinking, 'what a tosser.
I gave up drinking coffee for you. I swapped pizza for produce, and this is what I get in return?
On the toilet no one is a star. Remember that and you will go far in life.
A coalescence of verbose convolution, veering on imperceptibility, impinges upon a plain proclamation an apparent profundity.
The only good thing about people not taking me seriously is that I'm not serious myself!
Youth isn't all it's cracked up to be either.""Then you're doing it wrong.
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen are defrocked, shouldn't it follow that cowboys would be deranged?
Conjugation of the irregular verb “to design”:I create, You interfere, He gets in the way.We cooperate, You obstruct, They conspire.
She’d gotten through the entire evening without killing anyone. Lieutenant Eve Dallas, cop to the bone, figured the restraint showed enormous strength of character.
As I reflect on all my friends and colleagues in my life on this special occasion... Mother is only half the word that immediately comes to mind.
All decisions are taken two levels above the highest level of understanding
There are too many questions and not enough painkillers in the world to get through them all.
A cult? Jesus Christ. No wonder Anita is worried about her children. They’re like turkeys—they might drown themselves in the rain if you don’t watch ’em close enough.
Marriages are for the grownup people. Fortunately or unfortunately, I am not yet the one!
Do not open that door until I'm in my room. I may be old and losing my hair, but I still want to look nice for a handsome man.
And most of the time, when you're young and dumb - you know everything! Charles Freeman Lee bebop pianist and trumpeter
I have the whole team just around the block! One call and they'll ride in here like cavalry! Riding on... robots! Giant robots! Well, not giant robots, like in Egan, but... but... big enough robots!
Embrace tomfoolery as if it were a rich relative on his deathbed.
When you employ HUMOR, you create a friendly, relaxed buying atmosphere.