Humor Quotes
A brick can be used to represent the zero probability of this book being any good.
A credit card allows you transcend time. For it allows you to put off until tomorrow what you bought today, while you are still paying what you bought yesterday.
A credit card allows you transcend time. For it allows you to put off until tomorrow what you bought today, while you are still paying off what you bought yesterday.
If I don't keep this job, then my only future career-options are working in Argos, or being a prostitute, ' I say, w
When Eve upon the first of MenThe apple press’d with specious cant, Oh! what a thousand pities thenThat Adam was not adamant!
I love that she loves me a 10, on a 5-point scale. Well, I know it’s a 5-point scale, though I asked her on a 1-100 scale.
Even more blood welled up and spilled down his arm, splattering onto the ground.“Camille’s carpet, ” Magnus protested.“It’s blood, ” said Will. “She ought to be thrilled.
But then, even with cuts, bruises and blood all over him, he looked like his jackass self again."- Alex Gold
Don't ever let anyone tell you that fairy tales aren't real. I drink a potion made from magic beans every day, and it brings me back to life.
Pan took the joke good-naturedly, probably deciding it wasn't a good idea to argue with a fifteen-year-old who had just pulled two people up ten feet.
Tonight was a perfect illustration of why Cinderella and the Prince get married twenty-four hours after they meet. Because when you're living with your stepmother, there is no happily ever after.
We're a couple of travelers!" I called up to her. "I'm Briony, and this is Ella!""Grammy said I ought not to talk to strangers!" she called back."We're not strangers!" Ella shouted. "We're with the u
I’m glad she’s so smitten with her new huntsman boyfriend and all, but venison-wurst? Gag me with a harpsichord.
How above-the-law children's books are. Hansel and Gretel (littering, breaking and entering), Rumpelstiltskin (forced labor), Snow White (conspiracy to commit murder), Rapunzel (break of contract).
He rarely saw a doorway without advancing through it as if he owned it. Since he owned a good many doorways, he would have pointed out that this was a reasonable assumption.
Weakness is weaker when discovered by others.
Oh the wonders of being married. Put a gun in one hand and a woman in the other, I'm never sure who's going to kill me first.
What song would lull a snake into submission? "John Mayer?""Over my dead body.""Could be, Tim, could be.
Just my luck: My bloodthirsty killing machine was better with both kids and women than I was.
Three lights should be fine." - Zachary"Aye, well if it wis me, I'd want a bloody lighthoose beacon comin' oot o' my arse." - True MacDonald
We lifted up and then bobbed."Back! Pull it back!" (Christopher)"It's hard." (Kitty)"The ground is harder!" (Christopher)
Sheriff, are you suggestin' the victom was kidnapped?""I'm only statin' that, at this time, we have no body, only nonvital body parts...
Abel. I can’t let you…sell your body.”“The transaction is closer to a rental.
Please stop sniffing the robot boy, Noemi tells herself, jerking out of the trance.
Yes, ” Lisa said with the usual blank honestly. She frowned. “Was that a sincere question? Or a scolding rhetorical question akin to Harilotecca’s speech patterns?
It’s you, ” she murmured, staring at his eyes, a fine, dove gray.He smiled. “Of course, it’s me. Let’s get you back to your boat.
Dave had been fun when they’d first dated. Then impending fatherhood had sobered him at the same time Mickle and Company had crooked its finger, turning him from Mr. Right to Mr. Wrong.
The Law of Moronic Ubiquity: Anything in the universe that is generally considered to be idiot-proof will eventually be ruined by an idiot.
The Law of Chaos: Any activity or event that seems to lie beyond the boundaries of possibility will usually be the first thing to occur.
How bad is it?”“The story is only just now being reported, but let's put it this way, ” HARV said. “The bag is now clearly catless, and there’s a very foul odor coming from the fan.
Prices of semicolons, plot devices, prologues and inciting incidents continued to fall yesterday, lopping twenty points off the TomJones Index.
Yeah, but will it hurt?”’ I asked.“This is science, Zach, ” Randy said, reassuringly, as he tilted my head back and lowered the lens to my eye. “Of course it will hurt.
‘Foo Kyu’ is just a very unfortunate cultural coincidence.""Just think about his poor son, ‘Foo Kyu Two.’
Great Gates almighty, ” HARV said inside my brain. “I go off-line for a few nanos and the whole world goes to DOS.
Carol, I thought you didn't liked playing with the minds of normal people.”“Yes, but the press don't count as normal.”“She’s got you there, ” HARV added.
Forget it, ” I said. “Opie could be bloodthirsty, rabid, radioactive, and selling life insurance and he’d still be preferable to listening to the two of you.
My many years of living have not made the actions of teenage boys any less enigmatic.
Ella was fluttering above him, dodging missiles and calling out advice: "The groin. The Earthborn's groin is sensitive."SMASH!"Good. Yes. Tyson found its groin.
I thought you were dead." Magnus smiled crookedly. "What, from that scratch?" He glanced down at the reddening jacket in Alec's hand. "Okay, a deep scratch. Like, from a really, really big cat.
Change back to your ugly self before I change your face for you, ” Logan said, Silver Frost.
The more you say goodbye, the stupider you’ll feel when we’re blitzed as bats at the victory party.