Humor Quotes

You will be able to do great things when you know and truly understand that all you really have and can control is your own life. Everything else is second to that.”~ShirLee McGarry~ 06/12/2010

Besides, I kind of like my face intact like this, two eyes, one nose, one mouth, a full set of teeth, which, if I'm being honest, is one of my better features.

I lost my temper, " I finish. "I lost my temper. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.""Well, no one means to lose their temper, my boy, " the Captain smiles. "If they did, it wouldn't be lost.

Is this your girl?" she asks, not waiting for an answer. "She's breathtaking.""You're my new favorite person, " Billie giggles.

I suppose you'll not let me rest until I admit that I like your company?""You're getting to know me well...""Very well, I'll admit. You're slightly more than tolerable.

I turned into the Greenbrier High School parking lot with a singular mission: figure out a way to keep my brothers from chasing off every guy who seemed interested in me.

Not to mention, "Magnus noted, "that Jace killed him. That would put anyone off".

Teeth were created to be shown.

...I suppose clichés wouldn't be clichés if they weren't based on some sort of tediously predictable truth.

According to Sarah, who had gone two years ago, prom was famous for being an overpriced disappointment where most people had no fun.

I'm so sorry. I think I'm just tired." The socially accepted excuse for being mental.

I mean if there was any justice in the world you wouldn't even have to go to school during your period. You'd just stay home for five days and eat chocolate and cry.

S’up?” he asks. My voice rattles when I answer. “N-not much. You know, reanimated corpses chasing me on a cruise ship. Same old.

Thank you, Deke. You are very good to me.” “I know, ” he smirks. “Can I get back in your bed now?

If I can face a street full of rabid zombies, I can tell a boy I like him. Right?

Step One: Grab Mattie. Step Two: Run. It wasn't much of a plan. But what it lacked in potential it made up for in simplicity.

He knew she loved him in that moment. Gabe never wanted to be part of the holy fight, but now he was, he was not about to lose.

Shhh, it's okay Cait, Daddy will be back. I am going to take care of you, just like Uncle Drake takes care of Mommy. Shhh honey, you don't need to cry, "Jaks whispered.

I've never been in love, but if a penguin can find a soul mate, I'm sure I can, too.

Eugene's got a fake ID, and he actually gets away with using it because he looks like he's thirty-six, thanks to his devotion to tasseled shoes and his ridiculous carpet of chest hair.

His question is pretty dangerous for me to try to answer, so I don’t—it continues to hang out there like the stained underwear at a slumber party that goes unclaimed.

Baby, I could watch you watching paint dry, and I still wouldn’t be bored.” Garrett Graham, my own personal sweet-talker.

I'm Kieran. You must be a hell of a thief because you stole my heart from across the room,

He is a sweet boy, quick to laugh, easy to love.

Knives and candlelight, ” he said, “how romantic.

Love Is Like A Plant.We Give It Attention, It Grows. We Ignore It, It Dies

I had this vision of the two of us holding hands or getting into some light petting behind shower curtains or up in the fencing aisle or some shit.

It was almost romantic, in a mad-inventor sort of way.

Neil Mars?! I could blame him for having killer looks but he could not be faulted for this. He couldn’t have chosen that name for himself. No wonder he tortures his Mom by calling her by her name.

No, I can't die because there are too many jackasses falling over themselves to take my place! I may live forever just to spite them!

... far be it from a French man to interfere with love.

Jean-Baptiste Say may have coined the term 'entrepreneur' but he totally missed the opportunity to put it on a t-shirt and sell it.

Why hasn't someone lassoed a few teenagers and had them sit down and write out all the supposed answers they have so we can solve the world's problems already?

The elixir of life is a bubbling stream of laughter.

In the middle of a grocery store, two children were horsing around (one holding the other in a headlock) when the mother turned abruptly to give them a stern repr

Learn to look up now and then, just in case a piano is falling from overhead.

Laughter isn't a sign of insanity but a shield against it.

My favorite quote in the world is this one.

To think or not to think? That is the new question.

Presenting a rational argument to a person who has forsaken the use of reason is like asking a vegetarian to eat a cheeseburger.

I never had any doubts about my abilities. I knew I could write. I just had to figure out how to eat while doing

Our flesh is a gift of laughter.

A child s a special possession from God.

This college would probably have the same problem as the last one did."I frowned, "What's that?""Homework.

Alice! You know I love you like a sister!""Words." she growled.

With great hotness comes great responsibility.

That's very rude, " Myrnin said. "I haven't brought my fangs our for some time. Not in mixed company, anyway.

Being the evil undead wasn't fun anymore. For one thing, it was increasingly hard to get a library card.

That creature's staying?' It figured. Her daughter-in-law transforming into an animal? No problem. Having to take care of a cat? Crisis. (Sydney Sage-Ivashkov)

We watched Vamps hunting Vamps, Vamp hunters and Witches torching Vamps, teenage girls kissing Vamps. And we giggled and swooned through it all.