Humor Quotes

Hindsight isn’t a super power.

Rap un zeal' Demon within. I might as well put up a giant 'Come and Get Eaten' sign for the good those warning runes do.

Being a geological formation gives you a lot of time to think. Also, I subscribed to a number of learned journals.

Noontime was absolutely the perfect time for a duel in the dragon’s opinion as this was also lunchtime, his favorite part of the day. As the saying went, he could kill two birds with one stone.

Thinking sure could get a fellow in a lot of trouble. Almost as much as opening his big gabber and sticking his muddy foot in it.

The key to having good scales is a healthy diet of venison when you’re just a wee dragon lad.

That's one huge puppy.

Necessity is the mother of invention, which probably explains why invention’s father left home on the pretext of buying a newspaper and hasn’t been heard of since.

Chiron looked surprised. “I thought that would be obvious enough. The entrance to the Underworld is in Los Angeles.

I hope so, ” grumbled Ian. “I’m going to look for another one of ‘em winged dogs for Mabel.

If the future historians were to digitally unearth our generation, they would decipher the facial expressions on the "Selfie's" as the generation of people suffering from wide spread constipation!

Your name isn't Sniffles?" Ewan pretended to be surprised.

Dude, it's mind control. That's got to be the best superpower ever!

I heard our kid here is quite the scrapper.

If upper management found out, they’d send you off to the Probing Department.

He gives new meaning to the word bombed.

My memories came back like a punch in the face. Only good.

You really are Captain Oblivious.

It's like a jolt of electric, but worse.

Who wanted to make lemonade from lemons, when you could make perfectly good lemonade grenades?

The day the Dragon chooses a male virgin instead of a female as his yearly sacrifice, the entire kingdom erupts into mass protests and anger.

I am always a perfect gentleman. If you ever want me to not be a perfect gentlemen, you’ll have to ask and not be crying when you do.

You are never to drive like that, ” I told them. “Even if you are ever wealthy enough to own a Jaguar.

How would we get corporate sponsorship if we were just a bunch of thugs?

I love the man, ” Megan said as she took a seat, “but honestly he needs to learn when not to agree with me.

It was a sign of how worried and confused I was that I wasn’t completely distracted by the sight of his powerful thighs flexed in front of me.

Jinx, I know you just lost your grandfather, but you straighten out your tone right now or I will smack you one!

Ah, that’s just sean nós singing and dancing. Something to do around the pub of an evening.

No, really, ” she said. “We get it. Sometimes the guy just makes you crazy, even if you do love him.

You could have agreed to disagree, ” Megan argued. “Then you could kiss and make up. That could be fun.

A country road, a gravel road, is a sign of civilization, sure, but it’s just a farm, an easy conquest. Iron means a stronghold, people who can defend what’s theirs.

You can’t have it both ways. Either I’m Irish and can talk, or I’m a man and I can’t.

Mr. Jennings is the one who trapped the fairies here to begin with. If they’re back and wandering around, if they’re loose, then, well, it’s not good.

That’s not Eire. Everyone always thinks that, but we’re not shamrocks and wee men. You should know the difference.

Everyone helping out was supposed to make me feel better, but it actually made me feel more like a screw up.

Now, where had I heard drinking and brawling before? Oh right, Ashley’s father. Well, I wasn’t doing that again.

That was one tiny trailer when both girls wanted to watch TV or use the computer or the bathroom at the same time.

Nothing good can come from a crack of dawn meeting on a Monday morning.

It was easy to imagine he’d just rolled out of bed and then it was easy to imagine him in bed and I wasn’t going there.

Ours was not one of those nice, quaintly old-fashioned mobile homes that senior citizens putter around in. We lived in the beat-up tin can of clichéd poverty.

Take some advice from an old farmer. You’re in business now. Take the money. You’d be amazed at how many don’t want to pay.

There exists a microscopic breed of brain beetle, commonly known as an ‘idea’. An idea desires only one thing: To catch the perfect brain wave.

Oh get over it Cecilia! You are no longer human. Such decorum doesn’t exist amongst our kind

When I dreamed about becoming a fantasy adventurer, I was always a max-level character with epic gear. Look at me. I’m wearing vendor trash.

Why Is It That When You Wash Two Socks You Only End Up With One? Is There Life After Death? and Where Did The Other Sock Go?

The world is Absolutely Brilliant. Difficult sometimes. Confusing often. But humorous almost always.

Fair enough…No inhaling battery acid, ” I smirk. “We can’t breathe batteryacid, can we?

Don't threaten me with a good time.

it was like staring at a whitewashed wall, but without all the emotion

Oooo wee! You see that chump go flying? Look’eah, nothing like charred demon to make a brotha feel right. - Calvin Freeman (Sineaters‬:Devotion Book One)