Humor Quotes

The kind of lies that someone tells us gives us an idea of how stupid, knowledgeable, intelligent, or ignorant they are … or they think we are.

An expensive coffin does not decrease the deceased’s chances of going to hell.

Unless they are off duty, no matter how wide it is, and even when it is sincere, a smile seems fake if the job description of the person who is smiling includes smiling.

You cannot be truly humble, unless you truly believe that life can and will go on without you.

Famine sometimes increases the number of people who are overweight.

Some social ills are preserved by the common misbelief that things such as ignorance, greed, and stupidity do not have the stamina required to reach old age.

A truly compassionate man gives a poor woman a portion of his meal before he eats, not after he has eaten.

Life sometimes reminds us that it is sometimes heartless by giving something or someone we really need to someone who does not need or even want them or it.

Some people who have been working out regularly for months or even years are still out of shape because the number of cheat days they have in a week exceeds six.

Some of the people who hate me love some of the sentences that I have written, until they get to the name of the person to whom the sentences are attributed.

A maid’s yard, house, wardrobe, fridge, etc. sometimes also serve as her master’s dustbin or dumpsite.

Many of the boys and men who are regarded as immature by some females are so deemed merely because they do not want to get married someday … or soon.

In the beginning there was the Word. Then we broke it.

Getting through life without a lot of money, possessions, and/or friends is admirable, especially if it is by choice.

Though people sort of need your permission to talk to you, they do not really need one to talk about you.

We envy people who are extremely old because we wish to live that long, not because we want to be that old.

Being divorced does not necessarily make one’s advice on marriage useless … or useful.

Some people would regard people who look like they do as ugly if they did not look like them.

Showing off is more ridiculous in instances where the thing that is being shown off was bought on credit.

Being a bad parent is a sign of not having learned from experience.

There is no such thing as a boring person when you are lonely or extremely bored.

There is so much woman in many a girl and too much boy in many a man.

Life curses some poor people with the love of luxury, while it blesses some with the very same thing.

We call talking about other people’s personal lives ‘gossip’ only if we aren’t or weren’t part of the conversation.

People who are not blessed with the ability to make others laugh compensate for that by saying (or trying to say) things that are profound.

Only someone who isn’t a fool stands a chance of not being bothered by being deemed a fool by a fool.

Most people would instantly start feeling ten years older if someone were to convince them that they were actually born a decade before their birthdate.

Some of the best things that have ever happened to us wouldn’t have happened to us, if it weren’t for some of the worst things that have ever happened to us.

There’s no such thing as a good or bad person: there are just people who have each been or seem to have been good or bad to you, someone, or some people, thus far.

Some people will insult your intelligence by suddenly being nice or nicer to you once you make it … or they think you have.

We seldom learn much from someone with whom we agree.

Most adults are knowledgeable to a child, but ignorant for their age.

Most women would each be left with fewer dreams or without a dream, if the institution of marriage were to be abolished.

Most of the very few people who would choose a good heart over riches would eventually use that to either make a lot of money, or attract men or women who are rich.

Scusi mia bella*, but it runs in the blood of all Italians to be skillful lovers. So you have to get used to this.

You can't push me away, mio cuore. You can't!

I don't want you to leave. I want you to stay.

You're very naive and innocent, and don't understand a lot of things yet.

I swear I won't touch you even with a finger until you ask me yourself.

Don't be shy, dear. I'm too old for you to be embarrassed by me.

The words of men cannot be trusted, especially men like you!

If you go on touching me, I’ll catch fire before your eyes.

I cannot believe that you're still a girl. Your kisses don’t seem that innocent. They are driving me crazy.

I’m giving pleasure to you. Don’t interfere.

Forget everything that surrounds you. Think that there’s just you and me in this wide world.

I think the word ‘pleasure’ is unknown to you. More precisely, its practical meaning.

If your parents left you, it doesn’t mean that other people will also do it to you.

Stop smiling as if I’ve been acquainted with you for ages!

Everyone thinks to the extent of their own depravity.

If you were three times poor, I would still have paid attention to you and fell head over heels in love with you.