Humor Quotes

In those moments it's hard to remember that an angry voice is an invisible thing incapable of drawing blood.

Smartass Disciple: Master, I’m going to change the whole world.Master of Stupidity: It changes within you. It changes without you.

You taste like sugar, " he pants through a smile, still out of breath."Somehow I doubt that. But I appreciate the thought.

The best fiction is true.

I never talk back. I listen and always remember your every word, so come pen or mouse, never forget that I will treasure your thoughts forever. Yours truly, Paper.

Women were created gullible. It they weren't no babies would be born.

The joke is generally in the oddest way the truth and yet not the fact.

i realize you cant just throw real gems at ppl...because they think cubic zirconia is the real thing lol

Humor is the whole truth.

Smartass Disciple: How the hell do we find the truth ?Master of Stupidity: Just seek it with hope it’ll find you.

Smartass Disciple: Three years! I've listened you preaching just for this silly truth?Master of Stupidity: Who said I was preaching? Who said anything about the truth?

Worrying is stupid. It's like walking around with an umbrella waiting for it to rain.

Vivi muito tempo no mundo das pessoas grandes. Vi-as de bem perto.Não fiquei com muito melhor opinião delas.

Smartass Disciple: Master, I believe that the truth will prevail at the end.Master of Stupidity: No 'the end' for the truth. 'Prevail' is something else.

In life there are heads and there are tails however when one starts to excrete thoughts out of the latter and proceed to relieve yourself out of the former then you've become too full of yourself.

In life there are heads and there are tails however when one starts to excrete thoughts out of the latter and proceed to relieve yourself out of the former than you've become too full of yourself.

Smartass Disciple: Master, I want to eradicate all corruptions in this world.Master of Stupidity: Let it be a bit! Otherwise you'll make us jobless for good.

Smartass Disciple: Master, please show me the way to the enlightenment.Master of Stupidity: Walk with me! [but I won't let you try to surpass me].

...God created the world in six days. On the seventh day, he rested. On the eighth day, he started getting complaints. And it hasn't stopped since.

I had a standing agreement with god. I'd agree to believe in him, barely, so long as he let me sleep in on Sundays.

Before I could turn to look up, a voice boomed from the heavens: "What the heck is going on down there?

Your Excellency, I have no need of this hypothesis.

They ought to make it a binding clause that if you find God you get to keep Him.

people don't get meit's more rule than exceptionGod bless exceptions

The sight of her made him understand why he'd lost his faith in God.

If God wanted us to get high, he'd have created plants that became psychoactive when eaten or smoked.

If I had a dollar for everytime my mother told me god had a plan I'd probably buy a new prada bag.

Just as a child is conceived in a womb of a woman, miraculously, so is grace freely given by God, in sacred moment of salvation.

To some believers, being on the pill or using a condom is a nonverbal way of telling God to go to hell.

Little people make tall claims. As being this-that avatar or messiah. Some even say they're God. Well, if they are, I'm their grand-pop.

I'm joking when I say I'm the grand-pop of those claiming to be an avatar-messiah or god. But if they're serious, then, I am who I am.

Cricket Bell.” I smiled into my phone. “How did you get so wise?

Every time we start thinking we're the center of the universe, the universe turns around and says with a slightly distracted air, 'I'm sorry. What'd you say your name was again?

...ducks and geese are foolish things, and must be looked after, but girls can take care of themselves.

It's only hard until it becomes easy.

In order to grow, I promise you'll have to let go of some habits. 10 times out of 10, they'll be the habits you're most in love with.

Can you believe we still around?after so many hit the ground and we ain't gon' stop now until we get that wisdom

The only thing set in stone are dumb quotes and names of dead people. Everything else is subject to change.

Can I help you?" he said, in a manner which indicated very clearly that not only did he not wish to help them, but also that he resented the implication that he ought to

It will never be all that I want it to be…But it is always twice what I expected.

What is the purpose of wealth if it cannot serve an ideal that enhances humanity and betters the lives of the people, even if that means those we have never met before in our lives?

We still need to give our best to life even if we do not understand the purpose of our existence on earth.

With true love, you can move mountains, make unusual sacrifices, live a life of deprivations and still be happy.

Never allow yourself to be sapped of your extraordinary energy that is the necessary ingredient for creating something new and progressive.

... People who are the spices of this world are the natural souls with instincts and impulses that have not been pruned by evolution and civilization.

Writers are the most pathetic souls when it comes to expressing their own feelings. Their personalities are as complex as the characters they weave.

Some honest people think it is better to know the ways of the devil without being evil.

The selfish and self-centered have a hard time being kind, even though you and I know that kindness is a source of relief to the soul.

I think preconceived ideas or prejudgments are meant to give us an edge whenever we are dealing with others we don’t know or haven’t made the effort to understand.

Perhaps fate has a way of turning things around and making something good out of the action of someone who failed humanity without meaning to.